Strangeways - The story so far & who's who

Hello folks. Unbelievably, we are already halfway through the current run of ‘Strangeways here we come’. This has promoted me to stop for a quick break, provide a who's who and recap the story so far

This is an excellent opportunity to ask any questions that have been nagging since Part One. (I cannot promise I will answer them all).

It is also a good point for new readers to catch up, ready for the second half of this family sit-com blog-strip.

Who's who...

And the story so far...

Part One.
Donald, the father of the house finally puts his foot down.

Part Two.
Gemma (the eldest daughter) refuses to answer Donald’s question and Michael (youngest son) asks a pertinent question regarding his Grandmother.

Part Three.
Poor Granny, still outside has another challenge to over come.

Part Four.
Donald is shocked to discover a certain bag of 'something' stashed in the spice rack.

Part Five.
Gemma's diary reveals that the family may not be as 'normal' as was first thought.

Part Six.
Donald dazzles Michael with a day off school and a chance to 'bond' with the old man.

Part Seven.
Gemma gets the hump about being treated unfairly.

Part Eight.
Donald and Michael fish.

Part Nine.
Donald realises that he may have to venture somewhere he would rather not.

Dum dum duuuummmm!!!

Coming up next on 'Strangeways here we come':

The Cellar
The Aunt in the attic
Rex-riva-yellor
and more...

What say you?

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woof the third

What say you?

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What say you?

Missing Scenes from Star Wars No.14

Strangeways here we come - Part 9

NEXT TIME: The Cellar

Strangeways here we come - previous episodes;

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT

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WE LOVE EACH OTHER - The Guardian Magazine 09/07/05

Reprinted with no permission from The Guardian Weekend Suppliment 09/07/05

THE WEEKEND MAGAZINE: Er...

Kathy & Jonathan Hall

Kathy There’s still a lot of stigma around the acquisition of a partner, and we often hear people in Waitrose make comments under their breath but we just laugh it off. I always say that you pay for it in one way or another. He was my ideal choice, and he was relatively cheap. One with a full head of hair would have cost more, but I like a nice clean scalp.

Jonathan It was awkward at first. I had been on that list for years but finally I was selected. I was a tiny bit disappointed that she was a woman. I do love the fact she dresses so elaborately. Of course, I did not realise at first that she always dressed that way. I had to ban her from the kitchen after her hairpiece caught fire for the forth time. She is very kind to me, and rarely hits my genitals with her wooden fan.Craig Taylor

And here's more of the same, so enjoy...

'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 23/04/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 30/04/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 07/05/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 14/05/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 21/05/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 28/05/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 04/06/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 11/06/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' SPECIAL DALEK AND BORG
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 25/06/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 02/07/05

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Strangeways here we come - Part 8

Books what I has read by Herge Smith

Battered, but loved.

And Andy said I’d never do this.

It’s just taken a bit of time to get around to it.

Anyway, Herge Smith here with some stuff about books… and for anyone who visits on a regular basis, none of this will be the least bit surprising.

Total number of books owned, ever: 7 books, 5 comic books. Actually I don’t really know, estimate wise, I’ve got about 500 books and about 5000 comic books. Yeah yeah yeah, I know.

Last book I bought: Non-Fiction by Chuck Palahniuk (note the American title is different)– Author of Fight Club. A collection of essays written over the past few years, notably his attempt to be a male escort and a portrait of actor turned rock chick, Juliette Lewis.

It’s always fun reading Chucks blank prose style but this is another of his slightly disappointing books – mind you, when you start out with the sublime Fight Club, what can you expect? Although I hear the new short stories book is decent enough.

Last book I read: David Boring by Daniel Clowes – Another very odd comic book from Clowes which is typically hard to discribe. David Boring has a bad dream quality in the way it all fits together… he’s a master of surreal story telling. Always makes me feel funny after reading it though.

Five books that mean a lot to me:

1.Batman: The Dark Knight Returns by Frank Miller. I’ll say it only this one time – THIS IS THE GREATEST SUPERHERO COMIC EVER WRITTEN (actually it ain’t – that honour goes to Watchman by Alan Moore, but it’s definitely second best - Watchman is the greatest, this is a slightly more enjoyable read).

He's nails.

Dark Knight Returns is brilliant – it’s 10 years after Batman has retired, Gotham is in the shit and the people need a symbol and a champion more than ever.

Batman twats Superman, 'bout time.

Bruce Wayne finally comes out of retirement (he's almost 50) and basically author Miller ends up rewriting Batman lore – for example (and remember this was written in 1988)

- Batman’s batmobile is a fully armed tank (like the new movie)
- Robin is a girl
- Joker kills himself by twisting his head round until his neck snaps
- Superman is a puppet of a war mongering moronic President
- Batman fights Superman and almost kills him.
- Batman dies at the end (sort of)

Miller wrote a sequel to this last year, er… not so good.

2.I am Legend by Richard Matheson. Badly made into two film versions, one with Vincent Price called ‘Last man on Earth’ and the other as ‘Omega Man’ with that gun-totting tit, Heston.
It’s about a man who is alone in a world that is now populated by victims of a virus that manifests itself as a type of vampirism.
It’s a riveting read, one of those books that you just have to read in a single sitting.

Despite it’s subject matter, it’s not at all a ‘kick ass actioner’, it’s far more sedate, with the hero attempting to educate himself regarding the effects of the virus.

I am Legend is like all good science fiction, in the sense that when you read it you think it was written a couple of weeks ago. (HG WELLS and WYNDHAM notable mentions here). Legend is exceptionally grim, and is a major downer, but a fantastic page-turner.

3.Post Office by Charles Bukowski. A brutal book – and a Bible for anyone trapped for years in a shitty job, which they only started on a temporary basis.

Bukowski later became increasingly misogynistic in his writing, although saying that the truth is he actually didn’t seem to like anyone much and some of his other books like Women, can be a gruelling read. I’ve read nearly all work of his I can get hold of – but for me Post Office is still the – nothing finer than a first time break through novel – so much fire and passion…

4. The Day of the Triffids by John Wyndham – Actually, this covers the majority of Wyndhams books, which are absolutely amazing reads (he just nipped in ahead of HG Wells for me – if I’d written this yesterday, it would have been Wells with The Invisible Man, but this is how I feel now).

Day of the Triffids has the scariest opening of any fiction novel I’ve read – Man wakes up in hospital, eyes bandaged, he's alone. No one is around. Doesn’t know if eyes will work but takes off bandages, terrified that he’ll still be blind, to his relief he can see. Soon he comes across the staff of the hospital –they are all blind. In fact, all of London is blind, as is presumabley the world.

Although they start out as an annoyance, the genetically created Triffids soon become a major threat in the land of the blind.
A wonderful wonderful book – If you read it now you’ll be stunned by the fact that it carries two very resonating themes - Wyndham wrote this is 1951.

The first in the form of GM crops, or Frankenstein foods – The Triffids are possibly man made. Secondly with the suggestion that the blindness suffered by the people of Earth was caused by a space based satellite weapon.

Wyndham was a terrific writer… his other work (which I love almost as much) includes; The Chrysalids, The Kraken Wakes, The Midwich Cuckoos and Chocky. A lot of these were considered children’s books at the time they were published, but no longer.

5.The Doubtful Guest by Edward Gorey. Gorey was a truly fascinating man who wrote crazy verses and drew fantastic scratchy illustrations. His most famous work was probably for the TS Elliott poem Cats. Although I’m far more interested in his own writing.

He wrote and drew hundreds of poems and stories. All of them are what can simple be described as quite peculiar…

For example.

The Hapless Child is about a poor little girl that first loses her father, then her mother… finally being kidnapped by a pimp that prostitutes her out, whilst holding her in a darkened cellar. The lack of light eventually sends her to near blindness. Eventually, she escapes but is immediately run over by a man who turns out to be her father, - not killed in the war as was previously thought. The poem/ verse ends with the father pitying the dying child, but not recognising her as his own. Twisted? Yes, but very beautiful.

Another of his most well known works is ‘The Gashlycrumb Tinies’.
This is another of his A to Z poems. Gashlycrumb is basically an A to Z of child deaths. For example,

A is for AMY who fell down the stairs, B is for Basil assaulted by bears, C is Clara who wasted away, D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh…

However, my favourite Gorey is his poem called ‘The Doubtful Guest’ about a penguin type creature, with a scarf and basketball boots who comes to stay at a family house and never leaves. It is simply divine. I absolutely adore it, it is so unusual and twisted and funny and a joy to read. (And it appears that this little fella has gone to stay with another family…)

Anyway. That’s my fav’s

Next up for this pleasure (chore) are

edwaado at The Fridge Mag
faltanus at A Semblance of Sanity
trillion at Trillobites

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Dalek and Borg 14

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Strangeways here we come - Part 7

Missing Scenes from Star Wars No.13

Whatever happened to Dalek?

'News is always more trivial in the Sun'

With every rocket into the stratosphere is an inevitable fall back to earth and that is exactly the course that the star of both ‘Dalek and Borg’ the popular blogstrip and ‘Dr Who’ BBC’s flagship historical drama is set on.

Dalek first came to the public attention with an appearance in the second series of Channel 4’s smash hit reality game show ‘Big Brother’. Eventually winning in a dramatic finale which saw Dalek initially come second to a multi-sexual legal secretary, and then default to the winning position once Lindsey Hannity (25) from Brighton, East Sussex had been ‘EXTERMINATED’

It was not long after this that he secured the converted role of ‘super villain’ in the BBC’s re-imagining of Dr Who.

Heavily criticised in the press for the decision to cast a non-actor ex-reality TV star in such a prestigious role, the BBC justified the choice by claiming it was certainly better than sticking some has-been ex-pop tart in the part.

Dr Who went on to become a massive ratings grabber and Dalek was immediately propelled into the spotlight, a position Dalek readily accepted.

Borg - y'know, working, nothing serious, but working

However, it was never enough for Dalek, who mistakenly took the public attention for granted. A mistake he painfully came to realise when he was booed off stage at LIVE: 8 by a furious crowd who disapproved of both his suggestion of simply ‘EXTERMINATING’ the poor to solve the problem, and his refusal to similarly ‘EXTERMINATE’ popular ‘self-obsessed’ cat strangler, Dido.

During the now infamous post concert press conference, Dalek justified his decision to leave Dido alive, whilst happily ‘EXTERMINATING’ Bono, Sir Paul McCartney, Sir Elton, Coldplay and Robbie Williams,

“I am Dido’s biggest fan” he said, “All the most evil, twisted and criminally insane super-villains rate Dido. Although Coldplay does come a close second, but you have to draw a line somewhere”

The infamous 'couple' at London Premier in January

The following question was regarding the alleged affair between Dalek and faded TV advert star Smash Robot. Dalek became incensed at the suggestion that this was anything other than a close personal friendship, and began to ‘EXTERMINATE’ the amassed crowd of reports in his signature fashion.

Sacked by the bosses at BBC 1 for repeatedly appearing in the tabloid newspapers, drunk, violent and often rusty, Dalek found a new home as one half of the comedy double act, ‘Dalek and Borg’.

Successfully running for a number of months, it appeared all Dalek’s personal problems were behind him. That was until he had a expletive laden melt down live on air during a special appearance in the satirical talking point piece 'Your Mate Dave’.

NOT your mate Dalek, frankly.

Although Dalek’s exact whereabouts are currently unknown, there are rumours that Dalek and Borg are back together and are soon to relaunch the act in a new version of popular strip. Whether this ever sees the light of day, only time will tell.

Strangeways here we come - Part 6

Missing Scenes from Star Wars No.12

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Strangeways here we come Part 5