Friday, June 24, 2005
Thursday, June 23, 2005
So how is Dixon?
Dixon is great.
The specialist vet (£100 for 10 mins makes him special – like a high class hooker) was very pleased with the little fools progress, suggesting that there was no reason at all she couldn’t get back to near normality within the next 6 weeks.
When Dixon walks, she has an arch to her back, like an old old lady carry two heavy shopping bags of cheap non-brand high carbohydrate crap from Morrisons and a guilty secret that has haunted her since the closing days of the Second World War.
However, in Dixon’s case it is her trying to compensate for the relative lack of strength in her back legs by putting additional weight on to her front. This should normalise over the next couple of weeks as the strength continues to return to her hindquarters (her arse end)
Running is still a hit and miss affair; a few trots and she is either dragging for a moment or back to walking. Again though, this is definitely improving each day.
The fur on her back is growing back at quite a pace with the scar almost unnoticeable.
Next steps for the Doo are a continued programme of monitored walking (approx 600 metres evening stroll) with unlimited pottering around the house and garden.
We are also investigating the option of hydrotherapy, which is physio through swimming in a big pool. Apparently, this is fantastically helpful in growing muscle and restoring dexterity. I will let you know how we get on with this – and hopefully get some snaps when we do.
There you go. All good news in the world of the foolish small black and tan.
Oh, apart from the fact that her toilet training has gone to hell… little bastard thinks she can piss and shit everywhere now… one jobbie at a time, eh?
Next steps for the Doo are a continued programme of monitored walking (approx 600 metres evening stroll) with unlimited pottering around the house and garden.
We are also investigating the option of hydrotherapy, which is physio through swimming in a big pool. Apparently, this is fantastically helpful in growing muscle and restoring dexterity. I will let you know how we get on with this – and hopefully get some snaps when we do.
There you go. All good news in the world of the foolish small black and tan.
Oh, apart from the fact that her toilet training has gone to hell… little bastard thinks she can piss and shit everywhere now… one jobbie at a time, eh?
Behind the scenes at 'WE LOVE EACH OTHER'
Reprinted with no permission from The Guardian Weekend Suppliment 18/06/05
1. They had relatively successful jobs, conveyed by the fact that they had a company Merc
2. They gave up materialistic success for voluntary work in Africa - how noble of them.
3. Unlike most people who meet through work and stay there, these two were special and wanted more.
4. They don't watch TV like us plebs.
5. They get on with foreigners, unlike us plebs
6. They have a child as well - a little chip off the old block, no doubt.
7. They love each other.
Not a bad bit of bragging, and in just over 100 words - AND featured in a national newspaper.
So what changed this week?
Well, the combination of a very special one off 'We love each other' featuring those crazy mixed up cyborgs, Dalek and Borg and the fact that last weeks couple were without doubt, the most vile of all couples Angry Chimp has ever seen featured, prompted this unique look behind the scenes.
THE WEEKEND MAGAZINE: Finally, a truly pretentious couple
Herge Smith here, with a very special look behind the scenes of one of posts that feature each week at the popular blog ANGRY CHIMP.
Fans of the Chimp will instantly have recognised the above as the 'We love each other' column, which is furiously pastiched right here, each week.
What most of you probably haven't realised is that this latest 'We love each other' is the real deal, published last Saturday in 'The Guardian Weekend Magazine' dated 18.06.05
And in case you don't believe me, you can check it our here: THE GUARDIAN
Re-printed word for word below is the actual text from this piece.
As you will note, the people who voluntarily put themselves forward for this are truly insufferable pricks. This is one of the reasons that Angry Chimp happily rips the piss out of them.
Fans of the Chimp will instantly have recognised the above as the 'We love each other' column, which is furiously pastiched right here, each week.
What most of you probably haven't realised is that this latest 'We love each other' is the real deal, published last Saturday in 'The Guardian Weekend Magazine' dated 18.06.05
And in case you don't believe me, you can check it our here: THE GUARDIAN
Re-printed word for word below is the actual text from this piece.
As you will note, the people who voluntarily put themselves forward for this are truly insufferable pricks. This is one of the reasons that Angry Chimp happily rips the piss out of them.
Neil & Sarah Hedgecock
Neil It was a hell of a long day. We gave back the keys to our flat, returned the Mercedes that came with my job, got all our worldly possessions into a couple of bags ... and suddenly we were being driven along the dusty roads of Mozambique. The Volunteer Service Overseas had prepared us for the humidity in Maputo.
Sarah
It was an office romance kind of thing but we knew we wanted to do more. So there we were, in the heat, volunteering as business advisers. At night there was no TV. We ended up talking to each other on our veranda and watching the huge thunderstorms light up the sky. It was these nights, our Maputo colleagues used to say, that brought about Daniel, our son. Craig Taylor
1. They had relatively successful jobs, conveyed by the fact that they had a company Merc
2. They gave up materialistic success for voluntary work in Africa - how noble of them.
3. Unlike most people who meet through work and stay there, these two were special and wanted more.
4. They don't watch TV like us plebs.
5. They get on with foreigners, unlike us plebs
6. They have a child as well - a little chip off the old block, no doubt.
7. They love each other.
Not a bad bit of bragging, and in just over 100 words - AND featured in a national newspaper.
So what changed this week?
Well, the combination of a very special one off 'We love each other' featuring those crazy mixed up cyborgs, Dalek and Borg and the fact that last weeks couple were without doubt, the most vile of all couples Angry Chimp has ever seen featured, prompted this unique look behind the scenes.
So how is it all pulled together?
1. Angry Chimp rushes out to the Newsagent early Saturday morning (11.30am) to pick up a copy of the Guardian, ensuring that it includes the magazine section (and the Guide - which he likes) He also picks up a fresh baguette from the French Bakery at the top of his road - he's quite the one, the Chimp.
2. Upon returning home, Angry Chimp reads the column. Typically this results in screams of anger directed at the couple featured.
Examples of the format that this scream takes:
"YOU MOTHER FUCKING STUCK UP PRETENTIOUS CUNT HOLE FELCHING WITCH TITS"
"CUNTS"
"JESUS, LOOK AT THE STATE OF THESE WANKERS"
3. The article is scanned into the PC, original text removed and image resized ready for re-publication.
4. A clever pastiche of the original text is constructed, or alternatively some weak arsed sex orientated drivvel. Which ever is easiest.
In the case of the couple above, the made up text would have been about gun running and slave trading - a direct opposite of the image the couple in question have tried to project.
5. The original names are retained in the vein hope that one day these people will google themselves and come across Angry Chimps re-mix. If it could happen just once... that would be lovely.
6. New text is inserted and article re-published onto this very blog, where it is enjoyed by many people from around the globe, including Canadians.
7. Angry Chimp takes a well deserved 5-minute break in which he reflects on how he has managed to take back a tiny bit more of the world, from what he perceives as a media controlled regime of middle-class mediocrity.
This is of course bollocks. All he's actually done is take the piss out of a couple of people because they appear happy. And he's a jealous little turd.
There you go, a dizzying insight into the hard work and creativity that makes up just one small part of the intellectual adventure playground known as ANGRY CHIMP.
And here's more of the same, so enjoy...
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 23/04/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 30/04/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 07/05/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 14/05/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 21/05/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 28/05/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 04/06/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' 11/06/05
'WE LOVE EACH OTHER' SPECIAL DALEK AND BORG
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Tennis player Henman dies during Wimbledon battle
Henman: taking a last gulp
BREAKING NEWS: It has been officially announced this morning that tennis player, and self-styled ‘attack of the clenched fist’ Tim Henman, died suddenly yesterday evening during a first round match at Wimbledon.
It is believed that he died of an allergic reaction to Robinson’s Barley Water.
Henman was 41.
Henman has been Britain’s No.1 tennis player for almost two decades. He followed in the footsteps of John Lloyd in being the UK’s great white male hope each year during the Wimbledon Tennis tournament, That is until the 2nd week when reality takes over and they are thrashed by a proper tennis player.
This did not deter the ‘Henmaniacs’ or ‘sad pathetic tossers’ who religiously held onto the belief that one-day Henman would raise the Wimbledon trophy above his head. For these deluded housewives and teenage private school ‘Charlottes’, Henman represented the very best of being British –being an arrogant stuck up little toffee nosed white boy with an ego that easily out stripped his talent and an inability to perform on the day.
Tiger Tim as the UK press often referred to him, along with ‘Loser Tim’, ‘Yeah right, Tim’ and ‘Tim, are you really the best we can do?’ never gave up hope that he would one day win Wimbledon, even though the majority of the country did many years ago.
As he told Angry Chimp news just yesterday morning;
“Yeah, I really think I might be able to do it this time. It would be nice to win, I reckon”.
Henman had made a nervous start to this year’s tournament, struggling in this first set against the unseeded and paraplegic Latvian amateur, Stooge.
It was only after the Henman’s game dramatically improved in the second set that officials became concerned for Henman’s health, resulting in the game being stopped and Henman being treated by medics on the court.
Sadly, a combination of an allergic reaction to Robinson’s Barley Water and a bruised fist caused by repeated air punching, proved too much for Henman’s less than tiger-like constitution and he passed away shortly before light stopped play.
Ironically, bookmakers William Hill have suggested that the odds for Henman to win Wimbledon have now increased slightly with the players demise.
Henman will leave a chequered legacy, particularly his controversial views on his fellow tennis players, in particular female players and players of colour.
“It’s not that I don’t think woman should play” Said Henman during the now notorious 1998 interview with Radio Times, “I just don’t see how anyone can find dyke tennis interesting” he said, before adding, “And as for letting coloureds play, well, I think that may be a step too far”.
LTA eventually banned Henmans 1st sponsor in 1999
Such opinions, many have claimed, are purely the result of the UK Lawn Tennis Associations predilection for pushing only players that are ‘minted chinless one-day wonders’.
Whether or not a UK player will ever again become a champion at Wimbledon is debateable but as one spectator was overheard to remark during Henman’s fight for his life yesterday evening,
“This is the first time I’ve sat and watched Tim on centre court and been worried that he might actually win”.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Monday, June 20, 2005
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