Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Robert Watling and the balding transsexual

This is the story of Robert Watling and his encounter with a balding transsexual.

The encounter had occurred during a day trip to Southend-on-Sea. Having just purchased an egg and cress sandwich from the high street Marks and Spencer he had stepped from the sweetly air-conditioned atmosphere of the UK’s most beleaguered retailer straight into the path of a balding transsexual.

“For goodness sake” The balding transsexual said with a scowl, “Why don’t you bloody well watch where you are going?”

“I-I-I’m te-te-terribly sorry,” stuttered Robert, adjusting his thick black-rimmed glasses that had almost completely lost their grip of his right ear during the collision.

“Hmm.” replied the balding transsexual as she gave Robert a not at all discreet up and down. Then with a sneer that almost took her eye out she spun on her heels and continued down the high street at a pace that would have made Zola Budd proud.

Robert Watling felt both furious and embarrassed. He was not a man to court conflict, indeed in all his 37 years of life he had not once been engaged in a disagreement let alone a full on physical fight. He believed in equality, fairness and lived his life as open and as liberal as he possibly could. ‘Never judge a book by its cover’ he could often heard to say. Yet, this incident had unsettled him greatly.

‘Oh my’, Robert thought, ‘that was the first and rudest balding transsexual I have ever met, and worse still I do believe that a balding transsexual has silently judged me and found me wanting’.

Robert stood and watched as the balding transsexual disappeared into an Ottaker’s much farther down the high street before saying aloud (but certainly not at a volume that was at all audible on a busy lunchtime), ‘bitch’.

He then took his egg and cress sandwich and ate them on a park bench whilst he read up to chapter 12 of a book he had found on the train into Birmingham New Street Station some months before.

That was the story of Robert Watling and his encounter with a balding transsexual.


pissoff said...

Tina and I encountered a dwarf poof on the ferry home from Vancouver.

Sniffy said...

He was scary, but I couldn't stop laughing at him.

That book must be something that was recommended on Richard and Judy, it sounds shit. I bet it's a Stephen King with too much descriptive text in it.

garfer said...

There is something distinctly unsettling about a balding transexual.

Ship Creak said...

As he got to chapter 12, does that mean that's the end of Robert Watling?