Tuesday, April 25, 2006

The indecent tinfoil


Although it spent a great deal of its life in one of five similar looking drawers in the kitchen, the indecent tinfoil had never the less had an exciting and some would say questionable life, yet it’s begins were as humble as any other food packaging product.

Although it claimed life really started the day it was picked up during a regular Saturday ‘shop’, the indecent tinfoil had in fact been cut to shape and packaged in a family run business in Co. Durham.

A handy size pack, the indecent tinfoil had kept in shape with a trim ten-metre length wound tightly around a biodegradable tube and packaged in a cool blue box. It was particularly proud of the card serrated edge on it’s outer packaging which, although no longer metal as its forbears had been, it could still give a nasty cut, especially to a meddlesome small child.

Some would say that the indecent tinfoil was brassy, shimmering around, spreading itself over all comers, and never questioning its usage. There was the incident in the microwave, which had caused a great amount of consternation. It claimed to not be responsible yet it inherently knew the risks of mixing with radiation, yet still it went in. There was the occasion that it had ‘accidentally’ found itself slipped round a blown fuse, almost causing a fire; again the indecent tinfoil admitted no responsibility, citing itself to be simply a victim of circumstance.

As with so many, its fall came when the indecent tinfoil became embroiled in a drugs scandal that rocked the kitchen.

Soon afterward said incident, which for proprieties sake we won’t go into here, the indecent tinfoil found it had become a social pariah, replaced by cling film (for fridge based products) and more grievously, Tupperware containers, for those ‘naughty’ snack foods. No longer would it enclose these treats with its scrunch fit hug, not now that there was a patented burp seal on the scene.

Its final years were spent in less than glamorous circumstances, occasionally making an appearance under the grill when sausages, and an attempt to cut down on washing-up, was required.

The end came too soon for the indecent tinfoil, as it does with so many that lives too brightly. General domestic usage should have seen indecent tinfoil make five (months), whereas it barely saw out its third.

Now stripped of all that once made it shine, it was nothing more than some tatty outer packaging and a hollow core, destined for the rubbish bin.


garfer said...

Serves it right. It should have displayed its dull side to the world.

turboslut said...

I don't really have much sympathy. The number of times I have cut myself on a tin foil box is not a coincidence.

Faltanus said...

uh huh