Saturday, April 22, 2006

The Middle Class Child - 7.0.0


Esmé’s birthday party was a tremendous success, apart from when Ronnie, the little scruffy haired boy who’s parents are currently without work ate one to many rice cakes and was ill on the little freckled girl that Esme’s Mummy made her invite to ensure that her party was as Lizzie described it, ‘fully inclusive’.

Marcus, Esmé’s Daddy decorated their completely enclosed and entirely private half an ache family garden with balloons, multi-coloured bunting and lots of surprise presents for all the attending children. Over a can of alcohol free lager, Marcus went into great detail explaining to all the other Daddies that the balloons and bunting were purchased from an ecologically friendly company and absolutely biodegradable.

Esmé’s favourite present was a new Violin, which will replace the one her parents bought for her when she turned four. Esmé has become extremely proficient with the Violin practicing as she does every evening straight after supper. She is technically superb although she is currently unaware that her own compositions lack true heart.

As her birthday draws to a close, Esmé now exactly 7 years old feels slightly disappointed that she never received the PSP which she had talked about frequently with her Mother and Father.

Her parents sleep soundly that night content in the false knowledge that their child wants for nothing.


garfer said...

Shouldn't it be 'an acme family garden'?

I'll have a Stradivarious please.

turboslut said...

I remember asking for one certain thing that I really wanted for a birthday present or for Christmas. No matter what I asked for, I never got it. I only ever was given what my mother would have wanted herself. Dear God, Esme could have been me.

edwaado said...

Didn't get a PSP? I think you're projecting.

Anonymous said...

I work with Marcus - or at least his American counterpart (Edward). In fact, we were just having a discussion about the nutritional benefits of organically grown kale. Apparently, kale is one of the world's most vitamin enriched plants, but it is very difficult for the body to fully digest. To make kale digestable, you must boil it for a long time. Consequently, the vitamins are then dumped down the drain when the water is strained out.

Fortunately for Edward, his wife who has a degree in English but prefers to stay home and homeschool their daugher Vivienne, who will be taking writing course from the University of Stanford, as she is already in the fifth grade and it is never too early to prep your child for university level academics


Sniffy said...

Her parents are utter cunts. I bet they're on the panel that voted for chris martin to be nominated for the ivor novello award.


Anonymous said...

Sorry, to complete my thought, Edward's wife has devised a way to cook the kale so that the nutrients aren't lost and that her family can get the biggest benefit from the vegetable.

It's important that Vivienne has a well balanced diet, as her day is quite active. She is homeschooled and her family refuses to own a tv or game system on principal, which is a good thing otherwise she may not have time for her (no joke) cello, modern dance, or Spanish lessons - the family (all native English speakers) speaks French while at home.