Friday, July 28, 2006

Pets corner No. 15 - The Mogwai

Introducing the Mogwai...

Mogwai 5
The Mogwai, sassy, smart and bewitching.

The Mogwai, first introduced into Europe by Chinese tradesmen back in the 1980’s have become firm favourites with children and older people, especially as the Mogwai is typically a very sociable, highly intelligent, if somewhat mischievous companion.

Although reasonably straightforward to maintain, care must be taken in four key areas;

1. Sunlight – Direct/ indirect
2. Cleaning/ maintenance
3. Diet/ feeding routine
4. Transmogwaification

1. Sunlight.

Mogwai do not like direct sunlight, or bright indirect sunlight. It is advised to keep your pet in a darkened room/ or attic. Never under any circumstances should you consider taking your pet outdoors during daytime.

Excessive exposure to direct sunlight can result in extreme burning and/ or combustion.

It is advisable to purchase your Mogwai a tiny pair of Rayban sunglasses which he/she/ it can don when it complains of ‘bright light bright light’.

Mogwai 1
Thinking only sweet thoughts.

The definitive explanation for Mogwai light sensitivity is still unclear. It is likely that the Mogwai hails from a region of the orient that has particularly dense foliage cover resulting it is inability to protect itself against direct UV radiation.

Whatever the cause, the solution to keeping your Mogwai safe and happy is simple – no exposure to direct sunlight.

2. Cleaning and Maintenance

As is now commonly known, you should never expose you Mogwai to any cleaning liquids, especially water, unless of course you want to breed from your pet.

(Although it is noted, that breeding in this method can produce ill-tempered offspring or ‘Tinious bastardos’ – their officially name).

The only effective way to clean a Mogwai is to use a wire toothed brush. This should remove the majority of surface dirt from the pet’s coat, however this method is unlikely to relinquish your Mogwai of any persistent odours.

If your Mogwai does develops an odour which remains after grooming you may consider shaving the fur around the offending areas. Never attempt to wet your Mogwai; even a tablespoon size droplet of water can result in the generating of up to 10 or more offspring.

Generally, your Mogwai is a fastidiously clean pet, with no apparent need to eat (other than for transmogrification). The pet will not defecate which makes it ideal for those in flats or with a restricted access to a garden/ outside area. This is also ideal as it reduces the risk of the Mogwai being exposed to sunlight.

3. Diet/ feeding routine

Uniquely, the Mogwai has no dietary requirements, and although still a scientific oddity (although latest theories suggest the creature receives nutrition from particles in the air) the resulting effect is that it costs almost nothing to keep.

Depending on your Mogwai’s temperament, it may on occasion beg for food around midnight. It is important to ignore this request as the result of feeding your pet after midnight can be inconvenient and often unpleasant.

The midnight rule is still somewhat hazy, for example, if you have purchased your pet on import, it is possible the Mogwai body clock is set to a previous time zone. Appropriate acclimatisation in this event is tricky and should only be attempted by an experienced owner.

In addition, it is not unknown for a tenacious Mogwai to ‘trick’ an owner into feeding it post midnight. Therefore, by far the safest option is to refrain from feeding your pet at anytime.

Mogwai 3
Evil git wants more dinner.

4. Transmogwaification

Also known as the ‘Gremlin stage’, the Mogwai, like a caterpillar have the ability to change with use of a chrysalis stage into another form. Unlike the caterpillar, the Mogwai can be held back from this stage by restricting its access to food after midnight.

If however the Mogwai does feed post midnight or up until dawn the following day it will quickly generate a sticky mucus compound which will form a chrysalis around itself. This phase will last approximately 12-24 hrs before the Mogwai hatches into a far larger phase of its development.

A hatch Mogwai is easy identified by its more reptilian appearance, its sharp teeth, claws, and an inability to be socialised to an acceptable degree.

Extermination is universally adopted at this stage as a ‘Gremlin’ can be a continuous nuisance and in some highly publicised cases extremely hazardous.

Final thoughts.

The watchwords for successful Mogwai care are of course routine and conscientiousness. 98% of the negative press that the Mogwai has attracted ever since it first caught the publics imagination back in 1984 has been the direct result of an owners simply not following the rules.

A well cared for Mogwai will make for a fabulous pet, offering the companionship of a dog, with the idiosyncrasies of a teenage girlfriend.

Mogwai 2


mrs edwaado (aka 'Ma') said...

"indoscrincities" - huh? Do you mean idiosyncrasies? Nice post, though - very topical :)

Ma xx

DrMax said...

While it couldn't beat a juggernaut like Ghost Busters, it's good to know Gremlins out grossed Footloose and The Karate Kid.

thordora said...

Those things still give me the willies.

garfer said...

Wasn't there a sequel?

I seem to remember it was a bit shite.

Gremlins beat tribbles any day.