Saturday, July 15, 2006

Things to lose b4 u turn 40

Things to lose b4 u turn 40

No.1 Your dreams

Someone once said that if you are in your 30’s and you do not already have,

1. A husband/ wife
2. Some children
3. A well paid fulfilling job
4. A mortgage
5. A feeling of satisfaction
6. Lots of holidays
7. A good car
8. An excellent relationship with you family

Then you are a failure.

Obviously, the person that said that was a fuckhead; in fact, it may even have been me.

However, the fact is that as you prepare to leave your 30’s you need to face up to the harsh truth that if you aren’t already it is unlikely you will ever achieve your dream of:

1. Being famous
2. Being fabulously rich
3. Being married to Winona Ryder
4. Being truly unconditionally happy

Especially no.4, but we’ll talk more about that at another time.

Ironically, it is ownership of any of the following that will prevent you from achieving any of the above:


1. A husband/ wife
2. Some children
3. A well paid fulfilling job
4. A mortgage
5. A feeling of satisfaction
6. Lots of holidays
7. A good car
8. An excellent relationship with you family

Bummer huh?

But now that you know you can properly relax, let your belt out a couple of notches, deodorise less, feel happy feeling depressed, watch more telly and just basically give up.

‘Cause in a funny way it will make you feel better.

5 comments:

garfer said...

Phillip Larkin put it best:

'Mulling over your failures by a bed of lobelias'

Nothing beats the sweet scent of failure.

DrMax said...

And don't forget beer. General acceptence of the sucking void of one's life can only be gained through fermented grains and barley.

edwaado said...

You should check out this Wired article... well if you're having trouble sleeping.

Basically it says there are two kinds of genius: “Conceptual innovators,” make bold, dramatic leaps in their disciplines. They do their breakthrough work when they are young. Think Edvard Munch, Herman Melville, and Orson Welles. They make the rest of us feel like also-rans. Then there’s a second character type, someone who’s just as significant but trudging by comparison: “experimental innovators.” Geniuses like Auguste Rodin, Mark Twain, and Alfred Hitchcock proceed by a lifetime of trial and error and thus do their important work much later in their careers.

So with any luck you're placed in the latter group.

pissoff said...

Thanks Herge, I needed that.

Rowan said...

excellent point and post!
I am always telling people I'm happy but I don't know it and that you can never be sucessful (in the economic/business sense) if you have children. It's extremely rare to bust out of the mundane sunurban lives we've set out for ourselves.

Herge, you ain't having a midlife crisis now are ya? Male menopause or anything?