Saturday, January 07, 2006

James Bond - FUCK OFF!!

Is there any lower quality of films than the James Bond series?

No.

What are we up to now with these things? About sequel number 76 it feels like and still they churn out the same tired old cliches again and again;

- Pre-credit sequence stunt/ action set up
- Dire silhouetted dancing naked ladies credit sequence over low quality middle of the road pop act droning on about something vaguely to do with the title of the movie.
- Pathetic double-entendres.
- Some bit of ineffectual skirt that Bond will either save, kill or fuck - possibly all three.
- Endless a-moral acts of violence from a man supposed to be a hero.
- Boring villain who always gets thwarted at the end – just not like real life.
- General Granny friendly misogyny and racism.

What is worse is that over the course of the last few films the producers have tried to slightly modernise the films with some asides about Bond being 'emotionally cold' or having a 'bad liver' from all the shaken and not stirred whatever’s. These peppered concession to times-what-are-a-changing utterly fail to convince that we are getting anything other than the same old Bond that is wheeled out movie after movie after movie.

The fact remains James Bond is very very tired, and no amount of hard resets will change that. They squandered any goodwill they generated with the slightly better than most Goldeneye very quickly and as for the last one Die Another Day - oh my God, absolutely abysmal.

Whenever there is a discussion about Bond you always find someone who will defend it - these people are typically men who would really like to be like Bond, kill foreigners without conscience, have meaningless sexually contact with equally vapid woman and be party to 'what's really going on'. Basically they'd like to become a sociopathic fuckhead with a shooter.

There has never been any 'art' to Bond, directors of the series are typically journeymen, just there to get the job done and make the films look as similar as possible. How utterly tedious.

Still, there is a new James Bond in the form of actor Daniel Craig. With his distinguished acting chops and radically different look from the 'standard' Bond, could this mean the series is finally going to go into a new direction?

No way.


Which is my favourite Bond? The first one that dies and stays dead.

6 comments:

Sniffy said...

I take it the boxed set of DVDs I'd got you for Christmas but never got round to posting should go back to Amazon then?

Just kidding!

I've never really been a fan of bond. Some were ok in a cheeky sort of way when I was a kid - I think I enjoyed Live and let die and Goldfinger, but I've not seen any since Roger the dodger hung up is gadgets.

I guess for their time, the ones that I saw were OK in a cheeky, let's all feel good about winning the war, but ooh, let's be careful about those pesky Russians sort of way. I can't say as I see the attraction any more though. Saying that, others do and I guess a lot of people have a bit of James Bond in them, not least all the women he's nobbed. I like the way he was able to turn Pussy Galore from confirmed lesbian to a woman gagging for it from him, but only him.

garfer said...

What's wrong with being a sociopathic fuckhead?

I sill love that bit in Goldeneye (N64) when you get to plug the Russian on the bog.

pissoff said...

All I want to know is where are the fucking green elf shorts Chimp? It's been weeks now and we deserve some action. Get off your pasty white ass and post the pic.

PO

Steve Dix said...

Bond jumped the shark somewhere after "You Only Live Twice". After that it just became a parody of itself.

Steve Dix said...

..and no saying "actually it was jumping the crocodiles in Live and Let Die". You know what I mean.

Sniffy said...

Come on, man. Where the devil are you again? I can't believe you've been so careless as to allow yourself to get busy with real life things! How dare you.