Friday, January 06, 2006

Why I never use water bottles

hot-water bottle


It’s cold at night in my bed,
The toggage on the duv is all wrong.
Sometimes I awake and fear I am dead,
And shiver till I hear morning song.

I tried a hot water bottle,
It was ace for a bit.
But after a while it was not all
that great, in fact it was shit.

True, it makes the bed quite warm
But only in one small place.
And you’ll find you are torn,
to heat by the feet or by the face.

And you just know that if you start at ten,
by two it’ll be cold right through.
And you’ll just feel frozen,
When you get back into bed after the loo.

12 comments:

MHN for short said...

Quite nice, and that.

For that reason, I use an electric blanket. Warm toes. It's a lovely thing.

Sniffy said...

Yeah, I've just had a week or so with an electric blanket, it was ace.

Hot water bottles are brilliant for localised pain, such as stomach ache. Unfortunately, the cat also likes it and ends up hogging it.

garfer said...

A water bottle beats a ladyboy any day.

MHN for short said...

ok. ignorant question coming...what's a "ladyboy"?

aasmodeus said...

solution: put the water bottle on your privates.

1) heats the most important part.
2) average between head and feet.
3) makes you pee early so you get back into bed when it's still warm.

suburban wonder said...

I'm always afraid a hot water bottle will leak. I hate sleeping in the wet spot.

Faltanus said...

even better than the electric blanket is the electric mattress pad - oh so cozy! One, as with all blankets, electric blankets are subject to shifting, falling off, or being hogged up by another (if you happen to share your bed); mattress pads on the other hand stay in place. Two, since heat rises, electric blankets are inefficient; but mattress pads take advantage of the fact that heat rises.

Sniffy said...

Oh, that's what we call electric blankets - things you tie to the top of the mattress that heat up. They're lovely, so they are.

aasmodeus said...

so sleep on top of an electric blanket that's been duct-taped to the mattress. voila!

better yet. put useless kitchen appliances that heat up, in bed with you.

Sniffy said...

Like the microwave? Now there's a novel idea. Or how about a microwave mattress?

aasmodeus said...

nono, like your sister's toaster.

Rowan said...

why don'tcha try an electric blanket, happy 2006, how're things? I've been away.