Competion closes at sometime on Sunday DEAD! - So get those last minute entries in. I will then collate the answers and select a winner and finally get rid of these fucking elf shorts. Hurrah!!!
Some say they were forged deep in the firey guts of Mount Doom – but that turned out to be bollocks.
Others would have you believe they were stitched by the nimble fingers of the water babies forced to toil in the great halls of apocryphal tales to fashion a garment with only a thread of false promises and needles of viscous marks. Again, that was balls.
Did they fall from the heavens, comfortably covering a renounced Angel’s shame? No.
Were they spat forth from a mighty Kraken when it had a nasty cough and a bit of a runny nose? N'ah
The truth of the matter isthey were made in China, probably by some poor exploited child earning less than a dollar a day (Which to be honest would be useless to the child anyway seeing as how the currency in China is the Renminbi).
They are 100% polyester – and they look it. But they are machine washable which is convenient seeing as how many bums they had knowledge of.
Anyway… some history.
George and Andrea started a phenomenon known as WATES otherwise known as Where Are The Elf Shorts. Many fortunate people have had the honour of displaying their wears and modelling the coveted Elf Short including... Frally, Jon, Kim, Karen, Owl, Strude, Puppdaddy, Matthias, and the gorgeous April Pissoff.
The deal is, once you receive the elf shorts you must model them and post your pic for the world to see. Then you, the blogger, has the opportunity of creating a caption to the picture of you adorned in the lovely green elf shorts.
The shorts have circled the globe - landing in Canada twice - on an ever fascinating and adventurous journey! (They have had a very long holiday in Malvern and the West Coast of Scotland – sorry about that).
Now, it's your turn to have a chance to win the fabulous Elf Shorts. It's simple - come up with a caption to go along with this picture of me in the Elf Shorts and you too could be the next lucky recipient.
Give it a go – this picture will be top post for 5 days.
Caption away!
37 comments:
Come here babies, Donkey has been stabled, no need to fear.
Robin Goodfellow, 450 years later.
Damn you racoon! That's the last time you shred my jogging shorts!
All the other fairies closed the entrance to the sithen, leaving poor Herge stranded out in the mortal world.
and
Have you seen my pants?
Does my bum look big in this?
Ahhh, the shorts have resurfaced! It does my heart good to see them filled once again with manly bits...
As for a caption, mine of course will be done as proxy for Ms. Mac:
"Nothing gets between me and my elf shorts... except nature."
Great to see the tradition has continued, good job!
CLAP if you believe in fairies. NOT SPANK you bastards...
Bugger! So it is true about bears and the woods.
I feckin knowd if i took a bathe in the Gullet Quarry, thoise feckin ijit goblins would steal me trows, me red galoshas and me wee pointy red hat! the feckers...
They ARE very 'me', aren't they?!
You've no idea how privileged you are - these legs haven't seen the sun since Sports Day, 1983.
After months of discomfort, Herge had had enough, he HAD to put the shorts down...
"Run all ye little piss ants before I kill you all"
...The Jolly Green Giant poses gingerly for his moment of glory for "Giantboys in the Ruff" while wearing his new pair of Elf Shorts ....
Quick quick, I need a shit, what am I gonna do about all this bush stuff on my piles? maybe Ill go just on the edge...
Ive got such a wedgie up my arse
Ah....this looks like a good place to drop trowel...
After 3 hours scambling in the brush outside Lothlorien, Herge began to regret the wallet made of leaves...
That would be "scrambling in the brush".
Pixie Dust Herald Headline:
Elves Put On Human Face During Community Service
His personalized rendition of Midsummer's Night's Dream complete, Herge stalked off to torment the BBC with his costuming.
"Too sexy for my shorts."
Pondering his wardrobe choices whilst looking in the tall grass Herge thought to himself, "I don't think these elf shorts really go with my black socks."
Dangit, these shorts won't even cover my manhood! I have no choice but to hide in the bushes till somebody brings me a pair of pants.
"Oh, I can't; someone's been here already."
As Gulliver looked carefully for the little people of Liliput....
Oi! Give me back my pants! These may work for you folk, but ...
Elvish sex pest on the loose in Ardnamurchan!
Call the cops.
Ships is the funniest, though I'd like to win those freakin' elf shorts! *wishful thinking*
"Kevin Costner really let himself go."
These boots may be for walking, but these shorts are riding up my ass.
Well, as of this time I think I know the winner but there's still time to enter (just)
And on another note - people a genius walks amongst us, and it ain't me - Mr Ralphie K - regular readers will be familiar with his work which I have oft ripped off and reprinted without permission.
Ralph - email me - hergesmith@yahoo.co.uk
You know it makes sense.
"Maybe if I wear elf shorts, girls will think my penis size is genetic?"
"Damn badgers . . . tore my trouser legs off . . . fecking beasts!"
"Oh yeah . . . the boys they like to swing."
"Kill them. Kill them all"
"No no, that's just wrong. I can't do that."
"I SAID KILL THEM ALL!!"
"But, I'm a good guy, I can't hurt people"
"You will obey me in the end. Just look at yourself. I commanded you to wear silly elf-shorts into the woods and here you are."
"NO !! I will regain control!! PLEASE!!!"
"Kill them all . . ."
"Yes, master"
"Sniffy, now stand up and stop being embarrased. Everyone experiments now and then, even good lesbains.
"Look, I'm even wearing your big green knickers to make you feel more at ease.
"Come on, stop crying and get out of the bushes. I won't tell anyone."
So, I'm walking all alone down that path out back by the field. You know the one? Anyway, I'm walking along and it's hot out and I'm wearing my green elf shorts, because that's just what you do here in Canada.
Anyway, I'm walking along and all of a sudden I spot this flash of color off in the weeds. I take a look and it's a dead body. I'm not kidding, a dead body!!
I took off out of there like a cheetah on meth.
sex-ay! I can't believe these shorts are still making the rounds!
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