Saturday, May 24, 2008

Brighton is STACK FULL of these bastards!

Ugly, boring, thick, pale cunts-a-plenty

Had a stroll down the seafront to get a 99 with a flake from the most disgruntled and dirty ice-cream pusher in Brighton; I didn't think about how filthy his hands were until after I'd finished the 99. Thank fuck I'm full of vaccinations, I'd probably be nursing a healthy dose of Hep A if not.


Feeling really misanthropic, probably a result of all the wankers that invade Brighton every fucking bank holiday weekend. Honest to christ, what is wrong with everyone now, why are all these bastards so fucking noisy?  This must be the defining feature of our culture, the amount of noise everyone makes. If it's not the worst lowest common-dominator dance music booming from every druggie tossers top floor flat it's scream selfish semi-retarded kids, squealing fake tan addicted women and their bellowing beer-gutted topless football tattooed Gary boyfriends laughing like the morons they are at every vaguely amusing thing as if they're constantly being filmed by a furtive Channel 4 crew for another of their pseudo-documentaries about the legion of disgusting people with absolute no self awareness but a ridiculously disproportionate sense of their own worth; which make you think maybe these people that want to destroy western society have a point.

Or maybe it's just my low blood sugar and all I need is a sandwich and a cup of tea.

Live in da now!


Better still, just watching The Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan. Seriously, this man is a fucking genius, and he is one of the only 'celebrity' self helpers that doesn't talk absolute shite; this is probably why when Trey Parker and Matt Stone had an episode which featured Cesar they were unusually
respectful of his techniques, and like everyone else that watches the show realised that his training methods would work perfectly on problem children (also known as 'children').

"Calm, assertive energy".

Yes, Mr Millan, feeling calmer now.


Piggy and Tazzy said...

Yay! First!

"the legion of disgusting people with absolute no self awareness but a ridiculously disproportionate sense of their own worth"

For moment, I thought you were talking about the legions of Brighton poofs. The description would have been most apt.

Oh it must be so painful living in such a Bohemian place.

Herge Smith said...

It's a coverall for most residents in Brighton.

Is their a north poof/ south poof divide Piggy?

Piggy and Tazzy said...

Most definitely.

Like everyone else down south, they are of the belief that there can't possibly any life north of Watford.

Let alone any poof life.

They do think though that the small number of northern poofs (and dirty northern dykes) are of the butch variety.

Apart from that lot in Manchester and Leeds.

The only assumption they make which would be considered correct.


Herge Smith said...

I've deaded Brighton completely - use to be the refuge of the weird and disaffected, Now it's just full of cunts.

Herge Smith said...

Me included, but I'm leaving.

Piggy and Tazzy said...

It'll never be the same without you.

Do you think anyone'll miss you?

Herge Smith said...

Not in Brighton.

I'm sure my mum will me miss me, but then she has my dog so she's sound as a pound. One of my nephews looked a bit gutted when i told him I was fucking off for as long as possible - he's a smart kid, probably realised his birthday and xmas prezzies were in jeopardy.

spleenal said...

Do what I do when it's nice a sunny.
Stay in.
Windows and door shut tight.

It's safe to go out when it's pissing down.
"they" won't bother you then.

spleenal said...

there's a bank holiday coming up.
Your'e gonna love that

Sniffy said...

It's not just Brighton, it's all of Britain when the sun shines; it brings out all the dregs of society and they think that, because the sun is shining, they have to dress as badly as possible, make as much noise as possible, and be the biggest cunts they possibly can.

You see it in the behaviour in supermarkets (entire trolleys full of salad veg and BBQ food that'll end up in the bin because everyone's too shitfaced to eat it); city centres; pubs; houses, where people decide to open all their windows and play their shit music as loud as they possibly can because they think WE want to listen to it too.


And Piggy, you're a cunt too, but at least you're a nice one.

garfer said...

Have you shagged Julie Burchill yet? I wouldn't, she's got a squeaky voice and lauds chavs in a ridiculous Bristolian accent.