Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Bromyard... where's that? (Herefordshire)

The only bad thing so far about deciding to piss off abroad travelling like a selfish swine is the fact that you feel the need to be a tiny bit more considerate to family members in the run up to the period in which you can pretty much forget all about them, and their birthdays.

Hence my visit north - not proper
Piggy, Sniffy, Spennal or Garfer north, just north to the Midlands. I'm not sure if I'm north or south of MJ, I assume MJ is somewhere quite filthy and nicely rude judging by the blog.

This left Worcester at 16:15 in 1946; arrived in Bromyard last wednesday morning.

Both my Mother and Sister (representing almost 50% of my entire family) live in a small, small, tiny, horrible, no-horse, can't even spell horse, or know what one looks like (does it look like a sheep?) town called Bromyard.

Here's a link to the
wikipedia page which is both brief and uninspiring.

The bit about the Christmas lights is great, unlike the lights themselves which are okay at best. Lets face it, they are only of note because none of the surrounding towns can be arsed with lights; the main offender being Great Malvern, another small town, but of a much higher reputation which hosts a particularly shoddy display each year, honestly, it really is woeful.

Stuffed full of booze
Apparently there are 60 thousand pubs in the UK for around 60 million people, which roughly means that there is 1 pub for every thousand people. Bromyard has a population of around 4 thousand, but about 20 pubs. That pretty much sums the place up.

It was also the scene of the now infamous 2006 gollywog scandal, which even made national news. The general populace of Bromyard refused to bow down to 'Political correctness gone mad TM', and stood firm that the stuffed childrens doll in question which dipicits black people as generally having thick curly hair and big ruby red lips was absolutely nothing but a bit of fun and certainly not a highly offence throw back to a time of slaverly and general ignorance.

In Bromyard there is no throw back to ignorance, they live with it every day.

London is considered by the average Bromyardian as a place, 'I ain't ne'ver bun to, b'hut I knows it ain't all thart. I can gets to 'ereford on the buzz, so why bozza with Lun'un?'

Quiet and Safe
Saying that though, it is generally far safer than anywhere else I've been this year and much much quieter.

Places to visit when here
For the meat scoffer, Neil Gladwins the local butcher is fantastic; stacks of great cuts, terrific pies (the steak and kidney is particularly delicious) and the tastiest Lamb chops around for many a mile.

For the non-meat scoffer? Probably give Gladwins a miss.

ON ANOTHER MATTER - can you lot tell me if the font size is working for you, I'm all over the place with it at the mo. 


garfer said...

I plan to retire to Bromyard, where I will proudly display my collection of vintage tractors and canoodle with my bevy of teenage Thai brides.

MJ is on roughly the same latitude as Vladivostok, which probably explains her hard drinking habits and enjoyment of bear baiting.

Betty said...

Strange how a lot of people in small towns get so worked up about being allowed to display gollywogs in shop windows, as if it's the last affront to their freedom of choice to ban them. I remember that the ticket office on the Bure Valley Railway in Norfolk seemed to have fucking hundreds of the things on sale. No *political correctness gone mad* in East Anglia!

MJ said...

I'm over 7,000 km to the west of you and a mere 8 hours behind you.

Sniffy said...

We can all find fault in our places of origin, me more than most, I think. At least places are different; at least we can find odd things to chuckle about or get annoyed at because they don't do things the same as where we're used to. Within reason of course. I wouldn't find anything charming about some weird Islamic state where women have to be covered from head to toe, where people are murdered for being gay, or for not being a muslim, or being a man for that matter. Even worse than living in a place like that would be living somewhere like Stornoway, where they have an even worse sense of humour.

Sniffy said...

oh and the font is fine

Piggy and Tazzy said...

I like the font size as it is right now (at 22:05 on Thursday).