Saturday, May 17, 2008

Childcare - a proposal

Following on from an interesting debate over at the wonderful beyond belief Cakesniffers regarding the popular subject of children, and this article on the Guardian website which made me want to kill,  I have decided to make a serious proposal about this common pest, erm I mean joy.

Baby timeshare.

This is how it works. Everyone is forced to look after a random child for at least a couple of weeks a year.

Technically, no one will be allowed to own any more than 1/26th of a child – again a great way to prevent us hitting the 9 billion mark in 50 years time

Now don’t start jumping up and down about there being no way you’ll lend out your kids, or your indignation at having to look after someone else brats, just bear with me…

This could be good –

1. It will socialize the child early in life.
2. It will put a lot of potential parents off, slowing the impending population crisis.
3. After a couple of weeks with a screaming child, the remaining weeks of the year will seem so much more enjoyable.
4. No parent will ever again be able to say, ‘You’ve never had children so you can’t possible comment on how they should be raised.’
5. It’ll bring us together as a society.
6. The child will be passed around a real mix of socio-economic and religious backgrounds, thus grounding it and (hopefully) preventing pig ignorant views in the future.

I think we should at least give it a try, could be a laugh right? AND if you sign up now I’ll do my best to make sure you’re last on the list to get one.

Of course, as the creator of this scheme, I shall be exempt. Only fair I reckon. 


garfer said...

I'd like a Sikh, a Muslim, and a Buddhist infant on short term loan.

I could set up fights which the Sikh would obviously win as he would be carrying a miniature knife. I would then dangle a pork chop before the Muslim infant, and force the Buddhist to sing 'Jesus wants me for a sunbeam' as I played along on my xylophone.

They'd love it.

Sniffy said...

I'd like to be exempt please. I can't imagine anything worse than having to look after a child for a fortnight. I just spent 2 hours with my niece and, as much as I love her, that is quite enough, thank you very much.

And she was snotty....

... and dribbly.

At least she didn't smell of biscuits today.

If I was put in charge of a muslim child... my goodness, perish the thought... there'd be demonstrations and burnings of rainbow flags all over the muslim world; leicester, bradford, luton, you know those sorts of places.

Sniffy said...

Those people in the Guardian should be set on fire alive as an example to everyone who wants more than zero children. Fucktard cunts. The only thing missing was a Cressida, but I'm sure they're working on it. Animals, breeding like that.

Betty said...

Oh, that fucking Guardian article - and the news that parents of under 16's can now ask for flexible working hours. Great - who's going to cover for all the extra time they take off? People who decide not to breed of course ...

Herge Smith said...

Betty (Hi!), Tina, and Garfer - the time has come to punish those that can't stop breeding - they need to be beaten roughly with a packet of condoms.

Those people in the Guardian MUST be mentally ill - they just must.