It’s very tempting when writing about travel to give the impression that you are a worldly-wise right little know-it-all. This is the reason the majority of travel writing is so infuriatingly smug;
“As a seasoned traveller I was certain that the earthy and indigenous gentle folk of Clacton-on-Sea would welcome me into their midst as long as I got totally ratted on Friday night and tried to frisk up an over weight slapper…”
I am not the least bit worldly wise and consider myself to be fundamentally thick and/ or naïve when it comes to places other than Worcestershire and East Sussex (and I’m not much of an expert on East Sussex).
Despite all the information I have read I do still have a lot of odd/ ignorant/ ridiculous pre-conceived ideas about the places I am about to travel to. And despite telling everyone I knew that I was going without any expectations I actually had some crazy ideas about both Cape Town and Johannesburg in South Africa, both of which proved to be entirely inaccurate.
Typically, I would keep these daft ideas to myself for fear of ridicule, however, that really wouldn’t be much fun would it?
So here they are:
(I may at a later date return to these ideas and compare them to my actual experiences thus proving what is already highly suspected, I am a nobber).
The freighter – I am a bit worried about getting held hostage by pirates
Malaysia – Nice, but junglely (not Roni Size)
Singapore – Very western and clean. No chewing gum.
Vietnam – Lots of paddy fields and a bit scary.
Cambodia – A bit depressing and scary.
Laos – Basic, bad toilet facilities, lots of mozzies.
Thailand – Touristy, like Blackpool but with more convincing transsexuals.
Philippines – Very scary.
Indonesia – Packed, like Oxford Street on xmas eve, less stabby though, I hope.
East Timor – Scary, war torn, people with arms off and stuff.
Papua New Guinea – Junglely.
Australia – Noice, noice, different, unusual.
New Zealand – Hobbitty.
Hmm… this really demonstrate what a total ignoramus I am.
Let’s hope travel does broaden the mind, at least a bit.