Thursday, March 10, 2005

Coe blows his brains out: LIVE

cec Coe1
COE: First to go.

Sebastian Coe (61), former Olympic darts champion and conservative MP, became the first of ten celebrities to die live on air, following a public vote this evening, which decided his fate.

Celebrity Euthanasia Challenge, now in it’s second week has already seen the attempted suicide by TV presenter John Leslie. During a tear-shed confession, Leslie (52) tried to cut his wrists with a 20cm shatter resistant ruler whilst he talked openly of an addiction to ‘readers wives’ type pornography and a predilection for dirty underwear which he admitted he would habitually steal from his local laundrette.

He only stopped the attempt when it became apparent that the ruler was not so much cutting his wrist as just making it sore.

It was Coe however, that failed to gain enough public votes to secure his position in the CEC house for an additional week.

In line with the BBC’s extreme reality game show rules, the celebrity with the least votes faces euthanasia. In a concession to European legislation, the celebrity in question can decide to take their life in a style of their own choosing.

In a nail biting finale to this evening broadcast, Coe elected to play a round of ‘Russian roulette’, a game made famous by Christopher Walken in the 1982 Michael Winner movie The Deer Hunter.

CEC production team, Mutilated Child handed Coe a revolver gun containing five blank rounds and one live. The objective of the game is to spin the chamber and pull the trigger with the gun pointed at your head.

As Coe himself said shortly before starting the game, “At least this will delay things…well that is until my luck eventually runs out.”

Describing the ‘Kobayashi Maru’, or no win situation, as it is better known, Producer Lance Hewitt said,

“Coe was a real sport, and a dedicated showman to the very end, we couldn’t think of a more exciting conclusion to our first public vote.”

He said before adding, “it’s just a shame it was the very first pull of the trigger that had the live round in it. I’d admit that it brought proceedings to a premature ending, but then Coe always was known for being fast out of the blocks”

Coe achieved only 4% of the public vote, with media analyst suggesting that his role as a Tory MP worked against him.

“You only need to look at (Johnny) Vaughan who got the biggest slice of the votes to realise that the public would rather back an ex-con child killer than a Tory” believes Jill Hanson of the independent consultancy, Media Now! “We also noticed this week that (Gareth) Gates has gone back to using his stutter as a means to garner sympathy with the viewers, it worked in pop idol, and it seems to be working here also”

A memorial service for Coe will be held later this week. In the meantime there is a second chance to see his suicide on Thursday evenings highlight show or at the Celebrity Euthanasia Challenge official website.


A Blogger said...

If only!!!!

This is going to make me giggle for the rest of the day.

Great stuff!

I could add a few names for the Celebrity Euthanasia Challenge!

Love the bit 'Not so much cutting his wrists as just making it sore!'

Take it easy -
My Feed

Herge Smith said...

Please add away, there will inevitably be a second series of the game show, only this time it may link in with Comic Relief or something - 'dying to save the poor? - these celebrities are'.

There you go.

Sniffy said...

I'm gripped! When's the next vote? Are they cleaning up the CEC House before they announce the next victim?

Herge Smith said...

Just for a blogger, Tina and all you celebrity haters... more death above.