Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Dowling gutted like a haddock: LIVE

cec Dowling2
"Thank God" says Norton.

As Peter Weller of the famed 80’s pop group The Jam (and star of the 1985 movie Robocop) once sang, “The people get what the people want”, what the people wanted this evening was for the death of Brian Dowling, former star of Big Brother.

Securing only 4% of the overall vote meant that Dowling (34) became the second of 10 contestants from the BBC One surprise smash reality TV game show, Celebrity Euthanasia Challenge, to die live on TV.

Unlike last week’s loser, Sebastian Coe, Dowling refused to take his own life, dramatically declaring, “But the public love me, there’s always room for one more camp Irishman on TV.”

Sadly, this just was not the case and in line with the legally binding contract Dowling signed before entering the CEC house, his life became forfeit once he lost the public vote.

Dowling shot to fame only 10 months ago when he became the first ‘gay’ to win Big Brother 3. Since then, he has routinely appeared as a ‘pretend’ TV presenter on such diverse shows as ‘I’m Irish and gay, a bit like Graham Norton’, ‘How gay is your boyfriend?’ and the Montreal TV award winning, ‘More than just gay’.

During a recent interview Dowling was quoted as saying, "I’m sick of just being known by my sexuality, there’s so much more to me than that". When pressed to say exactly what more there was to him he simply replied, “I’m Irish as well.”

Unfortunately, neither his Irishness nor homosexuality could save him from the ‘death by a thousand cuts’ as decided by the production company behind CEC, Mutilated Child.

Show producer Lance Hewitt said of the shows live ‘execution’ which eventually took 45 minutes of continuous knife wounds to end Dowling’s life, “We’d have obviously preferred it if Brian had had the balls enough to top himself, but at the end of the day I guess he was just a total Gaylord”.

Hewitt quickly added, “And by that I mean a coward, obviously his sexuality has nothing to do with it, or anything. I’m totally right on with poofters and that.”

"Dowling: Straight as fuck, TPT: Dyke as hell", says FIVE

Ironically, Dowling was due to be ‘outed’ as being fake gay straight by Channel FIVE in its controversial show ‘Celebrity Outing: LIVE’, later this month. Five have yet to make a statement as to whether the Dowling episode will still air.


Ship Creak said...

Possible minor correction - isn't it Paul Weller you were thinking of? Or did I miss a gag?...

Herge Smith said...

Ship Creak,

I always appreciate feedback, even if, yes indeed you have missed a gag.

It's the thought that counts right?

El Chimpareno