Sunday, July 24, 2005

Blair statement regarding Stockwell Tube execution

Cap in your ass
"If you're Asian, or a bit whatsit - cap in yo ass!"

"We believe we now know the identity of the man shot at Stockwell Underground Station by police on Friday July 22 2005.

It is certainly true, that it would have been a huge help if we’d known the identity of this man before we murdered him, but we can’t be expected to get everything right. We are all under a massive amount of pressure here, and small mistakes will happen from time to time.

It has taken a little while to formally identify the man, this is because our well-trained officers managed successfully to shot his face off. In which case we can make allowances for the delay.

Tragically, the man was a tax payer, although fortunately he was not a native born Britain. So we are able to state categorically at this time that although there was a fatal shooting in Stockwell Underground Station, no Britons were involved. Which is frankly a silver lining.

Obviously, our officers are highly trained to identify a potentially life threatening situation. Moments prior to the shooting – in that 1 or 2 second crisis time, they would have had to use their experience and training to take the course of action they took.

In the case of this incident the officer involved will have mentally gone through a checklist similar to this;

1. Is the suspect a darkie of some description?
2. Does he run when a group of random strangers start to shout/scream at him and wave guns around?
3. Does he have a terror deployment device – or rucksack, as they are also known?
4. If he does not have a TDD, is he wearing something that could cover up a bomb? Such as an item of clothing?
5. Does he look guilty? e.g. panicky/ sweaty/ scared when an undercover officer sticks a shooter in his mush?
6. Is he a darkie of some description?
7. How many bullets will it take to shoot his face off?
8. Will it be just like Counterstrike for the PC?
9. If we shoot him, can we get away with it?

The only point open to question is point 9. Which, seeing as how the officers involved shot this fella in front of a tube load of commuters; they have made it a tad tricky to cover up. Hence this press conference.

I see terrorists
"I see terrorists - all the time..."

Following this embarrassing incident, I believe that there are now two major questions facing us.

The first is; do we count the man the Police incorrectly executed as a score for the terrorists or one for our side? – There will be debate surrounding that issue for sometime I imagine. Not least of all with the victims family.

The other question is around our current shoot-to-kill-a lot, policy.

Well, this goes back to the suspects involved in the terrible incident on 7/7 – which incidentally I coined as a new brand – 7/7 – a brand this Government has pledge will help elevate Briton in the terror bombing attack league to at least Madrid level.

Definitely ahead of Bali and more recently Egypt, which, although tragic did involve a number of ‘dark skinned’ people, and not really that many Brits – hence it’s relegation to 2nd or 3rd item of news on the day it happened. You want a story to be No.1 - here's a tip - make 'em White or make 'em Brits. Preferably both.

We’ve learnt a lot from the criticism over the Guildford 4 and Birmingham 6, or was it 5 and 7? oh I forget.

Anyway, the point is we have learnt that if you are gonna fit up some poor bastard, better choose someone who was tragically killed in the incident itself. Far less chance of them protesting their innocence later. You want a patsy that will stick. The last thing this Country needs is to open wounds later with a load of ‘Grassy knoll’ nonsense.

But as I said before, our officers were tactless enough to 'kill to death' this innocent man in front of ‘too many to silence’ witnesses.

This is a mistake we certainly hope not to make again in the future.

Ironically, the man slaughtered by our Police hailed from Brazil, a country that has itself become an expert in 'back alley' government sanctioned death squad murdering.

Anyway, I would like to conclude in my now tradition manner. This will be by making an empty statement regarding our need to remain vigilant in the face of a threat which I will reduce to purely ideological and/or simply Evil, in a Judo-Christian way, obviously.

This of course will be a veiled attempt to distance myself from blame, and to increase your fear and paranoia, which will ultimately keep you easy to control and a piece of piss to lie to.

So here goes;

The terrorists are attempting to attack our very way of life and our freedom. I say to them, with your blessing, that they will never change our way of life.

And if preserving our way of life and our freedom means we have to impose new restrictive freedom of movement legislation, allow our Police to stop and search anyone who looks slightly Asian or ‘funny looking’ without good reason, have undercover coppers executing the occasional ‘innocent’ darkie or indeed generally become a crypto fascistic 1984 Big Brother style society; then so be it.

You will never change our way of life, which is based on freedom and a huge pile of bullshit.

Britain will prevail."

Can we shoot 'im
The good ol' days:
" Can we shoot the little Asian fella, Sarge?"
"Hold on a sec, I'm just checking the regs"


Karen said...

Whoa, Herge, I like your politics.

Being both Asian and a bit "whatsit", does this mean I can't ever visit London? :( I've never been and want to go someday!!!

[shaking fist] Damn you Brits for turning away my tourist dollars!!!

Herge Smith said...

No chance - you'd be shot to deadness in like a second.

Anyone not 100% pasty skinned full on whiteness is a suspect.

And those 100% pasty skinned full on whitenesses are suspects as well.

MHN for short said...

What do "whatsit" and "thingy" translate to in Americanese?

Wyndham said...

Herge, that was utterly brilliant!

thordora said...

no shit.

I've been waiting to hear this side of it-it's seemed a wee bit....odd since it happened.

I've never understood the seeming quiet hate that seems to be held for the asian communities over there....

garfer said...

No way were those guys police. if the best the intelligence community can do is shoot people on not much pretext at all then god help us.
One of the witnesses described the victim as looking 'petrified'. That makes me feel sick.

edwaado said...

Well done on the rather apt pic of blair too.

Hey do you think commenting on this blog will get you listed on some secret service agitator watch list?

Too late now I guess.

Sniffy said...

I think the more people who protest in Blogworld the better. GCHQ will be tracking every single thing and the revulsion felt by the masses will get through to those who sanctioned and perpetrated this vile act - ultimately, our very own government.

I'm sorry to say Herge, your use of looking a bit "whatsit" and acting slightly "thingy" in this context is way off the mark. I'm sure of the best adjective for this scenario, but "scared shitless" probably comes close.

Good call though, I'm going to compose myself for a rant at Cakesniffers too.

Herge Smith said...

Ahhh Tina, didn't you like that - the reason I used it was firstly as an homage to you and trill (natch) but mostly cause T.Blair loves to be all matey in his addresses.

Plus 'whatsit and thingy' is so open to interpretation that it really nails the shoot-to-kill under 'secret' rules that we now have in this country.

Blog away - the more the better - but if you get more comments I'm going be really arsed off.

Herge Smith said...

I am so sickened by the whole situation. This country is in real danger here, and as far as the war on terrorism goes we certainly have issued a strong message. That message is;




Because as soon as we shot executed an innocent man and then weakly say sorry it means we loss.

Our way of life has changed.

Our Government will do whatever it likes to protect itself, and if that means killing us, then so be it.

And as you said Tina, and Garfer, the most hideous thing here is that the man who was murdered by police looked utterly terrified moments before hand - not even the terrorist themselves have managed to be quite so cold. They typically give no warning.

If you're dark skinned in London, travelling on the tube with a backpack - or just looking suspicious - WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS! - who will you now be most scared of?

Sniffy said...

Every fucker in London has always looked a bit sussed in the eyes of people who don't live there.

Right, I need to compose something vitriolic...

Jane said...


That is brilliant satire, well it would be if it wasn't probably so close to the true it hurts!

Sniffy said...

The message then is: Whatever you do in a big city, don't look thingy or whatsit and don't carry a rucksack.

Nice to see that one of the rucksacks from the failed attacks was a Fitness First (gym club) freebie! I have one of these and it's actually a very good rucksack - certainly too good to blow up.

MHN for short said...

So, did y'all ever really define "whatsit" or "thingy"?

I know what that the yank definition for thingy is: it's whatever you are talking about and can't think of the name for it. "Move that thingy over there..."

I really have the feeling that our definition and your definitions are COMPLETELY different.

Herge Smith said...

Soz Michelle, we got carried away with all the shit in the news - I am going to have to defer to Tina on this one, she is by far the best person to state what it is - although, you know what? - I think she already did in a comment to a previous post...

I'll try to dig it out for you.

My understanding is that it can mean anything you want it to.

Sniffy said...

Thingy and whatsit are whatever you want them to be - depending on the circumstances. That's the beauty of the (British) English language. It's like that old phrase "The British Police forces are just about the only unarmed police forces in the world". Or so we all thought...

Faltanus said...

oh you Brits are so terribly sensitive. here in the good 'ol usa, our police have been gunning down unarmed suspects for years - long before "terrorism" could be used as an excuse. why it hardly even makes the evening news any more. trust me, a few more of these little incidents, and you won't even be blinking an eye, you'll be just as numbed to it all as we yanks.

Sniffy said...

What a comforting thought!

The thing is, if the coppers would just come out and say that certain armed, uniformed sections would be deployed in certain areas (like in the airports), then at least people would know that it was a policeman aiming a gun at them. The current situation of plain clothed armed officers skulking about is bloody terrifying.

eeore said...

You're only problem is that he wasn't a bit of darkie, not from the pictures I have seen.

And it would more more funny about the rucksack if 56 people hadn't died two weeks ago, and maybe an equal number might have died the other day had the explosives gone off.

And it does have to be pointed out that as I understand it, he not only ran when challenged but jumped the ticket barrier, and acted in a way that in the present climate was hardly advisible, not least when you are beeing chased by police with guns.... since police without guns are stoopid enough.... but when they have a gun in their hands they are just plain dangerous.

I can't believe that there is a sanctioned shoot to kill policy either. But then I can't believe very much of what is going on at the moment.

I just don't think that claiming darkies are a target is much more than lame victim think.

Herge Smith said...

eeore - I did write a long piece explaining and justifying my work, but then i thought, why should I?

If you don't get it, tough. Don't come back.

eeore said...

Too late....

And I don't get it.... so I guess that makes you another loud mouth who wants to stir up racial tension, and to use this tragedy to further you work as a polemisist....

Have fun reading the latest copy of Bulldog, you racist nut...

Herge Smith said...

Hey, nothing wrong with being a polemicist.

How exactly am I a racist?

MHN for short said...

Cool. Thanks for the Definitions Tina.

Well Herge knows this, but I hear gun fire pretty often around my surrounding neighborhood.

In Texas we have a concealed handgun law, which states that normal citizens can carry a gun if they are liscensed and the gun is registered. So basically here in Houston, it would not be a wise thing to antagonize the person in the car next to you, because you never know if they might be packin' some heat.

I just about freaked one day when I saw my next door neighbor walking "with a purpose" on the sidewalk with his gun in his hand. Man, I called the cops and they were at his door within 5 minutes.

I was scared almost out of my mind. Then I had to "deal" with him, because he knew I was the one who called the cops. The upside is that he doesn't come over for "visits" anymore. He makes me nervous...

Lord Bargain said...

what I don;t understand is why they had to shoot him five times in the head. What was wrong with a shot to say, the thigh or something? Something that might stop him running (in the unlikely event he was a terrorist) but maybe doesn't like, kill him...

lifeslikethat said...

The reason for the 5 shots to the head is to 'destroy the brain utterly' there was never any intention to do other than cause death. The policy was inspired by the israeli policy on suicide bombers. Anything else, any attempt to injure and the bomb can still be activated. All credit to these officers, they actually chased what they thought was a human bomb in an effort to prevent loss of life, most of us would be running away from it.

I feel for the poor bugger what a horrible way to go but i understand and support the police actions.

thordora said...

how exactly do you stir up racial tension if it's already there?

5 shots to the head of someone who ran from ARMED STRANGERS, who just happened to be plain clothes officers (from what I understand)

Yeah, I'd run to. And the picture I saw showed a man that someone, who didn't know any better and was attempting to make such a HUGE decision on, might mistake for someone asian or arabic.

The fact of the matter is that now, anyone carrying a backpack or large bag, who is slightly out of the norm, could be LEGALLY SHOT DEAD.

THAT is freaky, regardless of race..

Herge Smith said...

I would suggest you guys have a look at eeores site - although his blogging stuff is really hateful and full of 'I'm great, everyone else is shit' crap - his poetry is very good.

SwissToni said...

one shot to the head at point blank range is never enough is it?


edwaado said...

Shot count has gone up. 7 in the head, one the shoulder.

SwissToni said...

I was worried that ID cards would be an infringement on my civil liberties. At least that would have to go before Parliament. "shoot to kill" sounds like pretty much the ultimate infringement on my civil liberties to me, and apparently that doesn't need to be put before our elected representatives.


Herge Smith said...

Welcome Swisstoni - and yeah, I'd rather the ID cards now - Damn! wish I hadn't made such a song and dance about them earlier - turns out the alternative is much worse.

Sniffy said...

I think they're going to introduce a law whereby those refusing to have an ID card will be used as target practice for the armed coppers.

In general, coppers are pretty thuggish people anyway - a lot are bullies. Why should we trust them to make such huge decisions and why let them loose with guns?

Herge Smith said...

And it was only a couple of years ago they were critised from within for being 'instituationally racist' - so, are we to believe thats been sorted then?

Ashlay Gimpsen said...

I know someone else mentioned this...even before it was revealed it was an accident, the comment of the eyewitness about the guy being petrified just made me shiver. Terrorists don't look petrified. It's against the rules.

lifeslikethat said...

Intitutionally racist was a hyped up phrase. Heres an example of institutional racism. A danish officer on a UK exchange had to fill in a form and submit to interview, the form included questions on the UK political scene. He successfully argues that this was institutionally racist as being a Dane he couldn't be expected to know UK politics. Thats what IR means, it's not about 'nightsticking the coloured folks'

Herge Smith said...

Tar for the comment lifeslikethat, but before I can take it into consideration I'm going to need references, a full UK passport and a dna test. I'm just being cautious that's all.

These are difficult times, and we are all guilty of slinging opinion round like a drunk cat that's puked on the harth rug.

But then, I guess it's an indication that we do still live in a free society... gotta be thankful for that.

red one said...

Hah. Good post, Herge. I'm glad you pointed me this way. I've used that Blair pic as well... but it wasn't such a perfect fit.

and for the what's-a-whasiters, there's this:
"When I use the words whatsit and thingy," Humpty Dumpty said in a rather scornful tone, "it means just what I chose it to mean—nothing less, and nothing more."

"The question is," said Alice, "whether you can make words mean so many different things."

Lewis Carroll


Herge Smith said...

redone -no way that's real!!!

I'm getting that checked out.

Tar for dropping in.

Alibastor F said...

Let's see... Bombs go off in the subway stations. A few days later a suspicious-looking man wearing a winter jacket in the summer (granted he was Brazilian) doesn't stop for undercover police identifying themselves (perhaps he doesn't understand them?). Not only does he not stop, he decides to RUN! Solution - 1) STOP, you are in a crowded subway, what are the chances of a daylight assault with so many witnesses? 2) Learn English! If he didn't understand the language, which I doubt, then go home or learn it! 3) Pre-order a coffin and save your family the time and trouble.

Good for you, London!!! Strike fear in the hearts of terrorists, potential terrorist or even terrorist impersonators! Kill 'em all and let God sort 'em out!

Anonymous said...

cunts, people need to learn

i say kill da fuckers, not just terrorists, but any foreign wanker that polutes precious london air with their fucking foreign breath. rule britannia. grand where the days when my country would gladly shit on yours just for fun. these days are gone. fuck imigrants ruining our country. the dont even need to have a bag or a big coat just shoot the fuckers, police should be armed to kill all the wankers.

kill da bastards!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Get out from behind you computers and put your self in a situation where you have been told that a person is about to blow them selves up on a train, but still you go towards them, when it would be natural to run in the other direction. Forgetting your own safety and thoughts of going home to you family to save you bunch of ungrateful wankers like most of you lot. Our police are the best in the world and you lot are not worth the shit on their shoes!