Saturday, May 07, 2005

Vernon Kay on suicide watch.

Kay: battling depression, trannies and flatulence

Breaking News: Long serving Channel 4 presenter Vernon Kay, who was on the T4 sofa on the ‘youth' magazine show’s first day on air in March 1987, is tonight subject to ‘suicide watch’, at Hanwell County Psychiatric Hospital, Middlesex.

His management team said today that the 39-year-old became seriously ill on Wednesday evening.

“In a confused state Vernon Kay accidentally took 100 sleeping tablets with a bottle of Jack Daniels, which he mistook for a vitamin C tablet and a glass of organic rice water,

Fortunately, Mr Kay was able to call close friend, Mr Campbell, who subsequently arranged for an ambulance. Following Mr Kay’s stomach pump, Mr Campbell accompanied Mr Kay to the Hanwell Psychiatric hospital.

As soon as we have more information we will let you know.” they said in a prepared statement.

Kay’s management team went onto explain that Mr Kay was suffering from ‘exhaustion’.

A source to close to Kay, said today that Kay was in fact ‘as crazy as a loon’, and that his ‘cheeky chappie’, presenting style, belied a more trouble personality.

The source revealed that Kay’s ‘on again/ off again’ relationship with Nicky Campbell, BBC presenter of ‘Shot’em if they enter’, the home invasion themed game show, was largely to blame for his recent spate of problems.

Campbell, part of the problem?

Over the past six months, Kay has rarely been out of the tabloid press as he publicly battled both depression, caused by his ‘fatuous TV persona’, as he is often heard to describe it, and a crippling addiction to Asian Transsexuals, or ‘Ladyboys’ as they are more commonly known.

It was Kay’s passion for 'palomas with plonkers,' as Kay preferred to call them, which had caused the rift between both him and Campbell.

When interviewed last week in the Radio Times, Campbell said of his relationship with Kay,

“I love him dearly, but he just can’t resist anything in a short skirt and an Adams apple”

Kay originally hails from Guildford but affected a Yorkshire accent at the start of his television career.

He shot to stardom in 1985 when he appeared as Geoffrey Palmers ‘bottom double’ in the now infamous, ‘hardcore’ episode of the BBC award winning drama series, ‘As Time Goes By’, which also starred Dame Judi Dench as a 'sex crazed' widow.

E4 co-presenter, and known Transsexual herself, June Sarapong, had this to say about Kay’s current situation,

“Vern’s a tough guy with a big heart, all of the team here at E4 are rooting for him, except maybe the Welsh bloke who wouldn’t mind getting in on Vern’s action if he did take a turn for the worst”,

She went on to add, “not that it’ll come to that, we hope.”

Kay is scheduled to present Channels 4’s new hard hitting current affairs documentary series, which takes a serious look at the rise of women in extremist terror organisations.

women kill
Channel 4 documentary fronted by Kay

The series entitled ‘Bombs, bullets and babes’ is due to air in March.


Sniffy said...

Is Vernon Kay the estranged wife of "cuddly Bolton comic" Peter Kay?

Herge Smith said...

If he is I'm certain Mr Campbell will be having words.

Sniffy said...

That Linda Hamilton in T2 was something else. Scarier than the fucking morphtastic machine.

A Blogger said...

One day, I'll be on Bombs, Bullets and Babes!

Just you wait and see, Henry Higgins! Wait and see!

Love Vernon Kay's packet of crisps!
Sam X

Thanks for the message - it certainly got my arse moving - the lazy little tyke I am!