Saturday, November 26, 2005

How I won the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts.


Herge Smith in da house!


Anyway, you may or may not have noticed that I am to be the next lucky (fuckhead) that receive the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts.

April
Almost laugh out load funny, in a broad sub 'Carry On' way.

And you also may have noticed that I can 1st, joint 2nd and 3rd in April's selection for a winner. (can't believe I had to share 2nd with Cold Cold Earth!).

So was it rigged? - probably.

But ignoring the whole 'Florida count' style controversy for a minute, there is another reasonable explanation for this landslide - I made slightly more effort with my comment.

This was the average comment left by you lot -

"April gets fucked in the bum by a donkey hung like another bigger dicked donkey" - Piggy and Tazzy

Yes, I know, very crude.

and

"April, you appear to have a donkey attached to your hindquarters, a pair of green 'elf style' shorts on and a face mask - which may or may not be me" - Tina.

No offense to Piggy and Tazzy (Kings/ Queens of subtlety) or indeed Tina, who is obviously my fav no.1, but as you can see, more effort is needed.

Which is why when I left my winning comment I said AND created this;


winning entry

Report from the Canadian Child Welfare unit:

URGENT: Please attend to this case with due haste.

We have received disturbing photographic evidence (attached) that a Ms April Pissoff engages in obscene acts with stuffed animals. The hand written note which the photo was attached to also went on to claim that she frequently enlists the assistance of her young children to take these staged ‘photographs’ which she then publishes on the internet for people to look at.

Our initial suggestion at this time is that Ms Pissoff is detained in a custodial environment, awaiting a full assessment. The children will remain in the custody of the stuffed donkey (see photo – subject wearing snazzy white ankle socks).

Please initiate this procedure ASAP.

C. Sniffer.
Adjudicating Blogger.


And that's what bagged me the prestigious (stinky) Green shorts.

Simple now you know, eh?

13 comments:

Sniffy said...

Yes, "filthy woman" is a very accurate description of that deranged so-called "mother".

Will she wash the shorts before sending them to you? Can you pass them on to me if she hasn't?

Yes Herge, you're the best, you did bit the rest and you are funny-est.

S.I.D. said...

Very good Herge.Yes she is and always will be "that perverted woman".

Let's see what humiliating positions you can do with your doggies now.

And what do you mean, "I can't believe I shared 2nd place with Cold Cold Earth?"

Bastard :)

pissoff said...

As I write to you from my cell I feel complete and utter remorse for my actions. Punishment is working for a youth conference this weekend.

Spirit Of Owl said...

That's... that's shocking. Shocking.

I mean, of all things, I never took you as a cunning, competitive cad, sah!

Piggy and Tazzy said...

*still hoping to see Herge in various states of undress as he puts on the shorts*

red one said...

these staged ‘photographs’ which she then publishes on the internet for people to look at

I particularly like the use of "for people to look at" here.

hmm, elf shorts, daleks, triffids....?

red

red one said...

these staged ‘photographs’ which she then publishes on the internet for people to look at

I particularly like the use of "for people to look at" here.

hmm, elf shorts, daleks, triffids....?

red

Andi said...

I don't care how you won them or what she did FOR you to win them.

It was bloody ace!

jen said...

congrats on the shorts, ummm...i think. Times like these I wish I wasn't so average.

side note: word verification is czrlbum...sounds like a french name>> Ceasar LeBum...ok dumb thoughts...i'm sick, damnit!~

edwaado said...

I guess if I haven't left enough time you'll delete this post haste, but I spotted four adjustments. Not sure about the fourth though.

Herge Smith said...

Well edwaado, what were they?

edwaado said...

Picture of your goodself, with Dix, Sun front page with Dalek, the Thing's hole by the river bank (above the fireplace) and on April's PC (the one I'm not sure about) what looks like a rather excited chap having a vigorous wash.

Rowan said...

yes, well herge, we can't all be as creative as you (you seemed to come by it naturally) and besides, speaking for myself, I pretended to participate, but really gave a dumb title so that I wouldn't have to endure the stupidity of receiving the shorts myself.