Saturday, November 05, 2005

Oooohhhh ahhhhhhh - whatever.


I’ve never liked fireworks. Even as a child the promise that, “The fireworks will be starting soon”, only elicited from me a, “m’eh”.

When I lived in Brighton I naturally made it on several occasions to the Lewes bonfire night festivities – where the night is celebrate rite large – cramming seemingly ever man, woman and child from the entire south coast into one small, but charming little town. It also helped that I had a girlfriend who’s parents lived there and her friend had a flat with a balcony that over looked the town from which we watched the various bonfire committee’s processions through the streets of Lewes.

See, Lewes takes it very seriously, with the entire town splintered into factions that individually host bonfires on which they burning a wide selections of effeges ranging from The Pope (a very popular choice) to whomever is currently the nations bete noire. I think Thatcher was burned over and over again, sadly not in real life though.

And, that was cool with me, but the emphasis in Lewes was very much on the Bonfire, not the fireworks. Now it seems to be all about fireworks, with the bonfire taking a back seat – probably because it takes preparation and doesn’t really satisfy our increasing desire for a quick fix thrill.

Anyhoo, fireworks… “ooohhhh pretty lights and noise”.

It used to be only on the 5th of November that we’d get this, but now it’s from mid October to mid December that every pig thick parent or socially troubled teen gets hold of these things and sets them off all fucking night.

In the past it was just an annoyance that I could ignore but now I have 2 dogs it’s night after night of these poor bastards being frightened silly – or in the case of edwaado, his dog barking incessantly. And we claim to be a nation of dog and cat lovers – nice way to treat them.

(Actually, only Dixon is nervous of fireworks. And she’s not as bad as she used to be, I put her on an aversion therapy course which basically means I have a bag of treats and every time a firework goes off she gets the treat, after a bit she starts to associate the firework with a good thing. Daisy seems to be blissfully unaware of the bangs and is currently chewing down on a bone).

I think my disinterest in fireworks and our cultures moronic love of them was beautifully captured in George A Romero’s hit and miss ‘Land of the Dead’. The living use fireworks to temporarily distract the zombies – zombies you see are brain dead, and therefore find fireworks thrilling.

Ironically enough, by the end of the flick even the zombies no longer find fireworks alluring, and get back to the job at hand, eating the brains of the living.


garfer said...

When you produce a written post Herge, it is impossible to come up with a glib witticism.
Fireworks/zombies/catholicism. Much to ponder on there.

pissoff said...

Yeah... you wouldn't think a little spark and bang would turn people into right twats but it does.

Sniffy said...

Fireworks are more trouble than they're worth. It's one of those things that the Government says has been banned (restricted) and therefore has. A bit like fox hunting and we all saw the news today.

Supposed to stop after 11pm and it still sounds like the fucking blitz out there.

Bonfires are good though, it's nice to stand around them with your baked potato, hot pot and a bit of parkin and feel the warmth. But like you said, the bonfire takes a bit of effort and you can get loads of really loud firworkd for a tenner at Aldi.

garfer said...

I am overcome with ennui. I think I shall have a nice lie down.

Anonymous said...





suburban wonder said...

My grandfather likes to tell the story about when I was 4 years old at the 4th of July celebration - BIG fireworks.

They were hurting my ears and I tried out a word that I'd heard my grandmother use on the phone that morning. I told her that those fireworks were "real bastards."

I think my grandfather loves that story so much because it was probably the only time he ever caught my gran misbehaving.

Steve Dix said...

No fireworks here.

Mind you, still no Government either.

thordora said...

not to mention the real smart ones that always come out and let their kids play with the casings afterwards....

actually, that's further proof that natural selection does work.

Little children react much as dogs, and sadly, don't fall for the treat trick...

MHN for short said...

If I had to choose between a bonfire and fireworks, the bonfire would win every time, says the pyromaniac in me!

SwissToni said...

I went to a fireworks party on Saturday night... all young-ish types in their 30s. Imagine my surprise when they spent the evening trying to take photos of the fireworks on their digital cameras. I don't get it. I'm barely interested in fireworks as it is, nevermind wanting to look at someone's pictures of them. Don't they all essentially look the same anyway? Seen one display, seen them all?

And re. Kids setting them off for 3 months... agreed... but we have to support those funny little shops that spring up all over the place at this time of year to see fireworks, don't we? They need to be able to afford their 9 months off, after all.

To be honest, I get more annoyed by the pestilential spread of trick or treating in this country.


Lord Bargain said...

Hear, bloody, hear. I got so mad last year with endless weeks of bloody fireworks scaring the living bejesus out of my cats that I went into Tescos about three days after fireworks night and had a huge pop at the manager as they were still selling fireworks, even then.

(grumpy? me?)

Rowan said...

could care less for fireworks, i don't even findthem very "pretty" however, everyone I meet seems to love them, so I end up going to watch them....ho hum...good excuse to have a cigarette and shoot the breeze I suppose.

Burning people in effigy? How Wonderful!!! Now if only we did this in Canada, I'd be game for sure. That's entertainment.