Thursday, April 21, 2005

POLITICS: UK General Election will be rigged by US Gov’t

TIME the friendship issue
TIME: Like a pretentious Heat Magazine

BREAKING NEWS: It’s a shocking discovery, and tonight the future of both the General Election, scheduled for May 5th and the current Labour Government are in serious crisis.

At precisely 10.10am Latvian time, Reuters Associated News ran a story claiming that the cover image from next months TIME magazine strongly indicated that the American Government led by ‘moronic monkey boy’ George W(anker) Bush already know the outcome of the UK General Election, a full 3 weeks ahead of time

TIME, the well respected American culture magazine, dated May 10th 2005, states that not only will Blair return at the behest of Bush, but together they will look to ‘freedomise’ Iran.

Alan Milburn, Labour Campaign runabout has already denied that the election will be rigged, “Do you have any idea how much of the taxpayers money we’ve already thrown at this thing?” he said at this mornings Labour Party Press conference.

He added, “If the election was already in the bag we’d have used all that loot for a more worthwhile cause, like buying tanks and that”.

Michael Howard, leader of the Bad News Bears, also known as the Conservative Party said he was appalled by this recent turn of events and he would call for an immediate enquiry.

“Let’s face it, Blair is a dodgy lying bastard. We all know it, and we know you think it.” he said, adding “I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a bit of ‘black’ in him as well, probably where he gets his shifty eyes”.

Harry Legsalott, editor of TIME magazine denies that the leaked cover proves there is a conspiracy in place to rig the UK General Election. “You Brit are all fucking nuts,” He told our reporter this afternoon,

“It’s a mock up, a fake, probably created by one of those loser bloggers. The fact of the matter is we don’t give a rat’s ass about the UK. Let’s face it most of us American are so pig shit thick we don’t even know where Canada is, let alone your back water, rain drenched, liberal loving, hell hole."

However, an off-the-cuff remark made by ‘outspoken’ neo-con Donald Rumsfeld to Fox New reporter, Morgan Rightwinger, hints at the possibility that the TIME cover maybe closer to the truth than either Legsalott or Milburn are willing to admit.

When asked ‘off mike’ about the cover, Rumsfeld said, “Well, we have some experience in these things, here and down in towel head town. It would be a piece of piss to get our boy Blair back in”.

The Green Party have not as yet commented on this story, although a carrier Pigeon with their statement is expected within the next few days.

Angry Chimp Election Coverage 3


Sniffy said...

I've been put under house arrest under the new anti-terrorism laws. I can only contribute through a Blackberry I stole from my guard. It's all true. The lying Labour bastards are holding prisoner anybody who dare speak out against their regime.

You're next Chimp! You must be a protector of the truth.

Herge Smith said...

What the fuck???

Those motherfuckers will pay!!

Any chance you squeeze a blog out whilst you're in captivity?

Your public demands it.

Are you sure it's Labour that's got you? Could be the librarians - they've got teeth, and sensible shoes I hear (wink wink).


Deek Deekster said...

>Seriously though i'd like my site to be listed as an independant,
>but the trouble is everything I write is untrue, unfair, and
>occasionally spiteful. Oh and i don't just cover the election.
>What do you reckon Mister 5?
>Posted by Herge Smith to

nor do i just cover the election :)

this blog is meant for independent coverage of the election.

would you like to contribute? if you write something relevant, just repost at it Five. email me if so.