Wrong gig and Angry Chimp

Warning: Gigs can be dangerous. Wrong vs. Right

Angry Chimp glares at my broken body,

“Stupid fucker”, he growls through clenched teeth,

“Stupid, stupid fucker”.

Both arms are broken, all I can think is, “Who will wipe my arse?”

I think my ribs are broken, but maybe just bruised from Angry Chimp jumping up and down on them.

I am severely concussed and am having trouble remember exactly how I got here this time.

I recall a journey to Bristol late last night to see a band Angry Chimp loves.

‘The Arcade Fire’ were playing Bristol Carling Academy and Angry Chimp was very pleased with me because I’d managed to get a couple of sort after tickets for us…

Angry Chimp even patted me on the head and said that he was, “looking forward to it”, before threatening to ‘lamp me’ if I played any dirgey indie shit in the car on the way down.

Rough with the smooth, I figured.

And we set off. I’d planned everything meticulously, got directions sorted and calculated journey times so we’d get there just as the support started, rather than stand around for ages waiting like tits.

Angry Chimp sat in silence on the way down, musing over his love for the fair Rachel.

It was a welcome relief, I thought.

We got there in record time; we parked close to the venue and went straight in. It was here that Angry Chimp noticed something, which didn’t automatically register any alarms with me. I was too busy basking in my own glory, free from simian violence for an evening.

There were no T-Shirts. Normally Angry Chimp would not, but he had said he was vaguely interested if there was a subtle white on black he could wear, and impress the dull witted fish and chip eaters of his local.

Not that they’d get it, he reasons, but he would know, and that’s all that matters.

But there were no T-Shirts; at least there were no T-shirts for his band.

Only for Idlewild and Sons and Daughters. Both good bands he noted, but not what he wanted.

I dismissed it and got down the front to watch the support.

Then on came Sons and Daughters.

Oddly, I didn’t recall seeing their name as support. Nevermind, they are cool and Angry Chimp seems to dig them, surely, a bonus for an already well organised evening.

Then it happened.

“You guys excited about seeing Idlewild”, said the lead singer of Sons and Daughters.

Of course.

Of course.

I felt cold, fear gripped me like a mother clutching tight her child from the greasy haired tall man in the corner shop that keeps eyeing her little boy and licking his lips.

“Angry Chimp,” I said.

“What?” He said, distracted as he enjoyed the band.

“I think there may have been a slight mix up.”

“How do you mean?” He asked nonchalantly.

“Look,” And for the first time since I got them, I show him the ticket.


Bloody useless now.

Then everything went black.

Many questions remain unanswered.

Such as, why hadn’t I noticed before? How had I totally got the dates wrong? Why didn’t the poster outside the venue tip me off? Why did the door man even let us in, especially as it was ‘tickets sold on door only’ and I had pre-paid tickets.

Were there any silver linings?

Idlewild were good, as were the support, after all Angry Chimp had been quite into Idlewild a couple of years back. And ironically, has always been interested in seeing them play live.

The tickets for this gig were twice as much as for The Arcade Fire.

I did manage to get Angry Chimp new tickets for next month as soon as we got home.

I suspect this is why I am able to type this with my nose, rather than being somewhat dead.

“Have you learned anything?” Asks Angry Chimp.

“Check the dates properly” I say.

“That’s right”, says Angry Chimp as he belts me with my Eeyore mug, full of hot coffee.

Before adding, "You're just lucky you didn't show me up in front of the fair Rachel, then you really would have been in trouble".

"Yeah, imagine how embarrassing that would have been!", I say with a pained grin.