Sunday, December 11, 2005

The complete - The Stabbing Bachelor

man in coat

Agadoo Agadee;
he was in a psych ward now he’s free.
Left with a degree and a potted taro,
tried his very best to stick to the straight and narrow.

Ba da bong ba da bing;
couldn’t get a job with a record from sing.
Took to watching women with their babies;
couldn’t stop itching from a dose of scabies.

Ca ca coo, ca ca col;
he was very far from a jolly old soul.
Thought all women were deceitful bitches;
standing next them set off his twitches.

Dim de fop, dim de fup;
How’d his face get so messed up?
What’s his problem, what’s his curse?
As a child he was fingered by a nurse.

Em em mee, em em mot;
his tiny rented room was full of rot.
The walls were very thin, not made of bricks;
he could hear the sound of hookers turning tricks.

Fe fi fun, Fe fi fig;
burnt his arms with a lighted cig.
Wrote confession notes, stored them under his mattress;
admitted to the slaughter of a stage school actress.

Goo ga gum, Goo ga gost;
messing with him’ll be to your cost.
Frequently too tired for high school dating;
from staying up all night - masturbating.

Ha na wow ha na wot;
saw his first death when he was a tot
Father killed his mother when he was two;
she’d complained about the seat up on the loo.

Igaroo Igarish;
cheese burger with fries is his favourite dish.
Abused by his uncle and called a peach;
poisoned him aged seven with a cup of bleach.

Jim ja roo, jim ja rae;
had a passion for girl; didn’t know what to say.
Attempting social contact was a paroling pledge;
knew that a rejection would push him over the edge.

Kim da kot, kim da kace;
he asked her out; she laughed in his face.
He tore out her tongue and ripped off her hair;
he’d only meant to give her a scare.

La la loon, la la lar;
this time he’s gone too far.
Chopped up her torso and left it in the park;
on a killing spree he’ll soon embark.

Ming-a-ling, Ming-a-lorn;
an horrific creature has been born.
Can he stop at this late stage?
Not with this amount of pent up rage.

Na na nok, na na nou;
he’ll kill me and then he’ll kill you.
Walking in the street, you give him a look;
sooner than you know you’re hanging from a hook

Oh my dear, oh my lore;
each notch in his belt is his killing score.
When you come home, he’ll be lurking in your hedge;
scratching his head with a razor’s edge.

Pa pa pims, pa pa pids;
first he’ll do you, then your kids.
He'll make them watch as you die;
stabs them in the guts if they cry.

Quelle ce sires, quelle ce sosh;
he’ll beat your head in with his cosh.
Whilst you scream he’ll grind your knees;
he resolutely ignores your pleas.

Roppidy reas roppidy rar;
he’ll run you over in his car.
With your hair he’ll light his fires;
and your skin he’ll use for tires.

Sallecazires, sallecazun;
he likes in when you run.
He’ll chase you down with his drill;
then fry your liver on his grill.

Tim ta roo tim ta ray;
when will he come? I can not say.
But when he does it won’t be quick;
he’ll use your bones as a candlestick.

Umpty ick umpty arst;
in his dreams he’s tortured by the past.
Humiliated as a child by Derek Towers;
violated each week in the changing room showers.

Vim ve vup vim ve voo;
now he’s caught us what’ll he do?
Use his knife to slice your nose;
he’ll chew the meat between your toes.

Wahee Wahun;
he’ll keep you alive whilst he has his fun.
Tied to a wall with a leather choker;
burning out our retinas with a red-hot poker.

Xuandu, Xuande;
he’ll make you gargle with his wee.
Pulls out your teeth with his pliers;
Saws off your genitals with razor wires.

Yimmy yon yead;
ain’t long now till you are dead.
Fingers nails ripped out one by one;
no pity for you, he thinks you’re scum.

Ziggy zig zend;
can you guess how this story will end?
Do they catch him? Do they fuck!
The closest they got was when they found his truck.

Not a potted taroScabiesOld Kingdryrot1bad nursestage schooltoiletfagpornAngrypeachlaughing womantorsohookragescalpchild cryingtorturefrying liver 1Skin tires 1esmeCandlesticknoseshowerspoker eyerazor wirefingernailman in coat


Sniffy said...

What a story, what a piece of work. Both ways of experiencing this were great: the initial confusion, followed by the suspense of waiting for the next installment; and now assembled in its entirety, you can see how it flows and escalates to its conclusion that is suspense itself.

Brilliant. And thanks for posting all the graphics too.

Anonymous said...

worthy of a blog publication on paper. (shudder)

garfer said...

The magnum opus revealed in its true glory.

funny thing said...


Faltanus said...

wow - in its entirety it is really overwhelming isn't it?