Monday, December 05, 2005

Customer satisfaction survey


We here at Angry Chimp are very customer focused.


We firmly believe in the old cliché that a positive customer experience at Angry Chimp will result in additional visits and at least 5 recommendations to friends, family and work colleagues.

However, a negative customer experience will result in a lost customer and that lost customer telling up to 20 people how shit the service and blog was.

Following the recent customer comment initiative the marketing team organised back in October we can now reveal that the top 5 comments (in descending order) relating to Angry Chimp were as follows:

5. Why are the naked monkeys?
4. It is not nearly as good here as Tina at Cakesniffers keeps saying it is
3. Why doesn’t Herge (Smith) ever comment on comments anymore?
2. Where are the Daleks?


And most revealing of all;

1. I feel the site is cold and somewhat heartless and that Herge (Smith) does not care what I think about it.

Obviously, nothing could be farther from the truth. Each one of the seven kind people who visit Angry Chimp daily are very special indeed. In fact I know for certain that at least 4 of my daily visitors are seriously emotionally disturbed, yet they make the effort to visit regardless – and well done to them for doing so.

So in an effort to provide my daily visitors with the very best in customer service I simply ask that you take 5 minutes to answer the following questions and leave your answers in the comments box provided by this blog, below.

Please be as candid as possible, and if you have never commented here before - PLEASE DO COMMENT - so that together we can drive this blog forward and then maybe we can look forward to the day when Angry Chimp receives 10 hits a day!

1. How long have you been visiting Angry Chimp?
2. Why do you return to Angry Chimp?
3. What do you like most about Angry Chimp?
4. What do you like least about Angry Chimp?
5. If you could add something to Angry Chimp, what would it be?
6. Who does Herge Smith think he is?


I’d like to thank you all in advance for taking part in this customer satisfaction survey.=

Mr Smith (Herge)

19 comments:

garfer said...

Oh no. It's the Angry Chimp focus group.
Just keep it as it is dear chap.

Herge Smith said...

I'm thinking of renaming the blog - 'Mellow Chimp'.

Sniffy said...

1. How long have you been visiting Angry Chimp?
Since February 2005, so that's about ten months.
2. Why do you return to Angry Chimp?
The Chimp has kept me entertained from day one, I need to come back, it is like a drug.
3. What do you like most about Angry Chimp?
I like Herge's writing, his anger, his biting wit, his "I don't give a fuck" attitude. I also like his little wieners.
4. What do you like least about Angry Chimp?
When he is a bit too clever for me, with literary references and that.
5. If you could add something to Angry Chimp, what would it be?
More disease diary entries, especially from other people's disease diaries.
6. Who does Herge Smith think he is?
I don't know or care, but I think he's the best blogger on the planet (apart from that Scary Duck bloke and The Twat Boyfriend - they both get millions of comments, so they must be the best, right?)

aasmodeus said...

1) For many moons.
2) For moons.
3) Moons.
4) Not enough moons.
5) More moons. And Daleks. Oh, and sex. Might as well throw in some drugs and rock and roll while yer at it. And more sex.
6) A Moonie?

MHN for short said...

1. How long have you been visiting Angry Chimp? for almost 7-8 months

2. Why do you return to Angry Chimp? Glutton for punishment?(little haha. ) I like Herge & I am curious as to what he is up to.

3. What do you like most about Angry Chimp? His inventiveness.

4. What do you like least about Angry Chimp? Talk to me too... :-)

5. If you could add something to Angry Chimp, what would it be? Nothing, he needs to blog for his Hergeship.

6. Who does Herge Smith think he is? I don't know who Herge Smith thinks he is, but the Dreamer thinks that he is a nice man and considers him a friend.

cali said...

1. Ever since i was a wee lad. We'd gather around the wireless and eargerly await those reassuring, comforting words, "This the Angry Chimp Home Service, the time is six o' clock." Beep, beep, beep. Of course these days we listen to him on that interweb thing. Its still the same old Angry Chimp i remember as a wee lad though.

2. One day when i was wasted i made Angry Chimp my start page and, for the life of me, i can't remember how to change it.

3. You might just as well ask me what i like LEAST about Angry Chimp! Ha ha ha!

4. Oh......

5. Free dalek giveaways.

6. A question i ask myself every day. "Just who the fuck does this Herge Smith (if thats his real name) character think he is anyway?

Rainypete said...

1. How long have you been visiting Angry Chimp?
I haven't a bloody clue. You mean we're supposed to make note of these kinds of things??

2. Why do you return to Angry Chimp?
If you start here it can only get better right?

3. What do you like most about Angry Chimp?
The fact that Herge has more creativity in his right nipple than I have in my entire pasty carcass.

4. What do you like least about Angry Chimp?
Ooh 'eck. When 'e gets all poetic it makes my pudding brain go all wobbly like.

5. If you could add something to Angry Chimp, what would it be?
And angry midget sidekick to do all the hard work so he can kick up his heels.

6. Who does Herge Smith think he is?
How do I know? I barely know who I am most days...

Sniffy said...

I think the public needs more Chimp Advent Calendar. Then again, if you want to lose customers to me, I'm quite welcoming and I'll look after them for you while you think of something to post.

Take your time.

Jane said...

1. How long have you been visiting Angry Chimp?

Oooh hard one this - about 5 months.

2. Why do you return to Angry Chimp?

It's funny, it did have daleks the little dogs look cute.

3. What do you like most about Angry Chimp?

The biting humour

4. What do you like least about Angry Chimp?

No daleks any more.

5. If you could add something to Angry Chimp, what would it be?

More satire and biting humour.

6. Who does Herge Smith think he is?

Has he tried asking one of the nurses? They'll know

Piggy and Tazzy said...

1. How long have you been visiting Angry Chimp?

About 6 months or so. The brain is fried, so confusion has set in.

2. Why do you return to Angry Chimp?

Because my confused brain keeps expecting to see some porn.

3. What do you like most about Angry Chimp?

The confusion and randomness.

4. What do you like least about Angry Chimp?

That theres no porn.

5. If you could add something to Angry Chimp, what would it be?

Loads of porn.

6. Who does Herge Smith think he is?

He doesn't know who he is yet. We predict he'll realise he's a porn star soon.

Spirit Of Owl said...

1. How long have you been visiting Angry Chimp?
Since May 2005

2. Why do you return to Angry Chimp?
The sense of obligation

3. What do you like most about Angry Chimp?
Dalek and Borg. No, wait a minute, the advent calendar. No! Uh, thinking above the umbrella now, um, ahh, it's the bitter spitting hate spilling out in putrid diatribes and scathing, venom filled so-called "humour" and "poetry". Is this thing on?

4. What do you like least about Angry Chimp?
The layout. What? I can be serious.

5. If you could add something to Angry Chimp, what would it be?
Music. I'd love to hear Chimp songs.

6. Who does Herge Smith think he is?
Is this like the raffle to entice me to enter? So, if I guess right, is there a prize? Oooh, is it the Librarian?

Faltanus said...

1. How long have you been visiting Angry Chimp?
from the very first day i started blogging which now feels like an eternity to me.

2. Why do you return to Angry Chimp?
i have lost all my will and volition. i blame this entirely on Herge Smith who, i believe, is secretly working for some black-ops covert government agency for which he has perfected "thought control through blogging" techniques.

3. What do you like most about Angry Chimp?
that what appears here so often resembles the crazyness in my own brain. it's like Herge just knows how to get into words and images the very thoughts i'm thinking.

4. What do you like least about Angry Chimp?
that what appears here so often resembles the crazyness in my own brain. get out of my freaking head you mind-reading, thought-controlling evil genius you!!

5. If you could add something to Angry Chimp, what would it be?
more

6. Who does Herge Smith think he is?
how the hell should i know? i'm not the mind-reading, thought-controlling evil genius, he is.

Ship Creak said...

1. How long have you been visiting Angry Chimp?
Since it started.

2. Why do you return to Angry Chimp?
Because he's my mate, and I got to know his twisted sense of humour while working with him. I nearly crashed the car and killed us both once, I was laughing so hard!

3. What do you like most about Angry Chimp?
Running themes, particularly the observational stuff. We're all thinking the same thing as Herge, he just puts it better than most of us.

4. What do you like least about Angry Chimp?
The fact that he doesn't comment enough (on his or my blog).

5. If you could add something to Angry Chimp, what would it be?
I don't think there's anything I could add. Not that Herge would think worthy, anyway. I did do a limerick he used once, though (here, incidentally).

6. Who does Herge Smith think he is?
He's not proud. He knows he's a cunt.

Aginoth said...

1. about 3 months (I I still don't have a link in the sidebar !!!) ;o)

2. I enjoy strange poetry :o)

3. The lack of Aardvarks

4. The Advent chimp scares me

5. A free beer for every reader :o)

6. The Pink Pather

Oh yes I used to be seriously deranged but my heart wasn't in it now I'm Casually deranged :o)

Sniffy said...

Oh it's back, I was worried there for a bit!

edwaado said...

1. How long have you been visiting Angry Chimp?
From the outset
2. Why do you return to Angry Chimp?
Early visitors found that a rather nasty virus infected their browser and reset their homepage to the Chimp. I've tried Norton, MS Antispy, even a new computer, no luck. Over time I came to love my enforced visits, much like hostages can become aligned with their captors (Stockholm Syndrome?)
3. What do you like most about Angry Chimp?
The funny bits with pictures, that aren't too wordy
4. What do you like least about Angry Chimp?
Umm. He does like his personal grooming, picking fleas and ticks from his hair. Well that's OK, each to his own, I just feel a bit uncomfortable when he starts on me
5. If you could add something to Angry Chimp, what would it be?
PODCAST!! Yes then there would be no escaping. Might need to do something about that squeaky voice though.
6. Who does Herge Smith think he is?
I dunno, some kind of Carl Denham character?

Craig said...

I assume that you didn't want comments only from the people who haven't commented before.

1. Hmm...I'm not sure. I could look it up though. Aha! Since around April of this year, which is when Herge first found and commented on my site.

2. Because Herge kidnapped my child and demands that I come back daily. Either that or it's funny.

3. The fact that it makes me laugh.

4. The fact that it makes me laugh when I read it at work. Also, the threats to close up shop.

5. There's really no chance of you giving away money is there? No? Ok, I'd say more things like the POD comic book from back in September. That was brilliant, yet also painfully personal, so I don't really expect to see many things like it.

6. He probably doesn't think of himself anywhere as highly as all of his readers do.

Rowan said...

1. How long have you been visiting Angry Chimp? since I first started using blogger back in May 2005.
2. Why do you return to Angry Chimp?
Partly because the satire used often in an ironic sense gives me pause for thought in my otherwise uneventful days and partly because I really do want to solve the mystery of "who is Herge Smith?" IOW - it is troubling to me I know absolutely nothing about you, except your political views and that you have a couple of weiner dogs.
3. What do you like most about Angry Chimp? Your angry chimpish letters. I like to hear your take on things like queueing, mcdonalds, abortion dodgers, christmas, wanking, and just about any other silly topic that most people are afraid to say what they really think of it.
4. What do you like least about Angry Chimp? tough one, I guess, though it's not really a dislike, I don't care much for the strictly british things that us north americans cannot be bothered to follow or don't understand.
5. If you could add something to Angry Chimp, what would it be? The resurection of Dave, or some other mate of Herge's.
6. Who does Herge Smith think he is? I think HErge Smith thinks he's not as worthy of things as he really is, IOW - someone suffering from insecurity, superiority complex, and a bit of a geeky elitist, but I love him just as he is!

L said...

1. don't remember
2. the daleks! and dog pics too, of course
3. the twisted humor
4. needs more daleks
5. maybe more chimps, too
6. Doctor Who?