Saturday, December 31, 2005

Angry Chimp’s New Year’s resolution.

It is of course entirely appropriate for all bloggers to state their New Year’s resolutions, then as soon as it gets to Jan 3rd realise they have already broken them all.

But not Angry Chimp.

Angry Chimp is made of stronger stuff. When the Chimp makes a resolution, the Chimp will stick to it.

2006 resolutions.

1. I will no longer use my blog as a means to make puerile jokes, unfunny observations or enact general silliness on a daily basis. From Jan 1st 2006, Angry Chimp will contain only serious political writing and philosophical thought. Nietzsche philosophy will become the backbone of Angry Chimp.

2. Angry Chimp will no longer feature Daleks in any form what so ever.

3. On a personal level, 2006 will be the year I finally kick my crack habit. Also my use of prostitutes and the racially motivated beatings, which I dish out to people of colour every Friday and Saturday night, will finally come to an end.

4. I will no longer strangle cats for a weird sexual kick.

5. I will finally make an effort to get into ‘quality’ popular music such as Coldplay and the masterful James Blunt. I hope by March to be able to listen to Katie Tunstall without wanting to tear off my ears and/or kill small children with a blunt kitchen knife.

6. 2006 will also be the year that I learn to read and write in English.

7. Angry Chimp will no longer feature Dachshunds of any kind.

8. Angry Chimp will be renamed ‘Calm Chimp’, and all those who visit will be treated with respect; all comments will be answered; and a general feeling of well-being will be the order of the day.

That is all.

Happy New Year, peasants.

8 comments:

pissoff said...

Happy New Year Chimp. You forgot to add to your list "The Green Elf Shorts." Show us your sticks big daddy.

MHN for short said...

So, would that be the King's English or the Americanish??? Gotcha! Happy New year Chimp!

suburban wonder said...

Happy New Year! Calm chimp, indeed.

evobrka

garfer said...

Rename it Placid Chimp and bollocks to the sceptics.

I feel that James Cunt is vastly underated.

Extol his virtues and I will burn down your house.

Happy New Year.

The Toothfairy said...

No other recent slip ups that could prompt a resolution? :-p

Rainypete said...

No more daschunds!! Bollocks to that. I'm off!

SwissToni said...

yeah - I've always thought that Westlife have more musical merit than Coldplay or James Blunt. They're so much more... well, honest. The charts say it all and do not lie. Westlife have had nearly as many number ones as the Beatles -- it's a stamp of quality and no mistake. In fact, my new year's resolution is going to be to buy every single number one record this year. How can I fail to be happy?

ST

Andi said...

Yeah! Whatever happened to the Elf Shorts debut on 12.25.05?

hhhmmmmmmmmm?

But Happy New Year anyway!