It is of course entirely appropriate for all bloggers to state their New Year’s resolutions, then as soon as it gets to Jan 3rd realise they have already broken them all.
But not Angry Chimp.
Angry Chimp is made of stronger stuff. When the Chimp makes a resolution, the Chimp will stick to it.
1. I will no longer use my blog as a means to make puerile jokes, unfunny observations or enact general silliness on a daily basis. From Jan 1st 2006, Angry Chimp will contain only serious political writing and philosophical thought. Nietzsche philosophy will become the backbone of Angry Chimp.
2. Angry Chimp will no longer feature Daleks in any form what so ever.
3. On a personal level, 2006 will be the year I finally kick my crack habit. Also my use of prostitutes and the racially motivated beatings, which I dish out to people of colour every Friday and Saturday night, will finally come to an end.
4. I will no longer strangle cats for a weird sexual kick.
5. I will finally make an effort to get into ‘quality’ popular music such as Coldplay and the masterful James Blunt. I hope by March to be able to listen to Katie Tunstall without wanting to tear off my ears and/or kill small children with a blunt kitchen knife.
6. 2006 will also be the year that I learn to read and write in English.
7. Angry Chimp will no longer feature Dachshunds of any kind.
8. Angry Chimp will be renamed ‘Calm Chimp’, and all those who visit will be treated with respect; all comments will be answered; and a general feeling of well-being will be the order of the day.
That is all.
Happy New Year, peasants.