Tuesday, December 13, 2005

The Middle Class Child - 2.11.3

Panda girl

One morning, during the numbers game at kindergarten, Esmé notices that the little girl opposite her, the one with the Panda jumper does not shout out the numbers as Jilly the play group helper, flashes each of the number cards in turn to the class.

Esmé, now two years, 11 months and three days old, is very good at this game because her Mummy and Daddy play it with her all the time. In fact, they often take to hiding number and word cards around their large cottage. The cards are hidden in all sorts of unusual and fun places; under the chaise lounge, in the conservatory, next to the bread maker in the kitchen and even behind the Mackintosh that has pride of place at her Mummy’s workstation in the loft conversion. Esmé even found one once in the secret compartment beneath the piano seat cushion in which her Mummy and Daddy put musical books.

“Sept!” shouts Esmé and her other little friends, “trois!” they cry out, laughing with great joy as they do. All except that is, for the little girl opposite with the Panda jumper.

Today is Esmé’s mummy’s turn to collect her from kindergarten; tomorrow it will be daddy’s turn. Esmé’ asks her mummy why it is that the little girl opposite with the panda jumper, who is called Ophelia, did not join in the fun numbers game.

Esmé’s mummy carefully explains that it is because Ophelia’s mummy and daddy probably do not invest as much of their own special time with their little girl as Esmé’s mummy and daddy do with her.

Esmé feels sorry for Ophelia.


Anonymous said...

This, I fear, sounds like some of the parents of the kids that my son goes to school with.


Anonymous said...

is this the prequel to the stabbing bachelor series, sort of "like, this is how he grew up"?

Aginoth said...

Should I say my kids can count in Spanish....

Sniffy said...

Oh I hate them so much. It may not be a prequel to the Stabbing Bachelor, but he may have been in that class with Esme and Ophelia.

Any normal child who was looking for hidden things round the house would find daddy's porn and mummy's vibrator. These bastards want reporting to social services.

I bet they taught her with that stupid toddler sign language too.

garfer said...

Esme will probably become a crack smoking Goth in adolescence.

Faltanus said...

nothing good can come of this i tell you. nothing good.

Oink and Grrr said...

Are you hoping we forget about the Freakin Elf Shorts?

We want to see you in them!

Hurry along now.