Thursday, December 22, 2005

Hergé Smith’s Poems for the Toilet - A REJECTED Proposal

A Proposal

Hergé Smith’s Poems for the Toilet
(And other nonsense for your convenience)


Hergé Smith’s Poems for the Toilet is a collection of humorous poems and funny articles, with the poems and articles becoming a series of narrative and chronological threads that run throughout the book.

What this means for the reader is that the book can easily be picked up and read for short periods of time, such as the titular trips to the toilet, when travelling by train/tube, during a work break etc.

Conversely, it is possible to read ‘Poems’ for longer stretches, where the underlining story structures in the poems and articles will be more readily identifiable, and appreciated.


It is to be a combination of short text and image pieces. Certainly the Angry Chimp blog is always a constant mixture of both, ensuring that it never becomes too staid, and gives returning visitors a ‘what will it be this time?’ feeling.

The book will stand out based purely on it’s range of material which alternates easily between gentle, such as the gardening pieces, to harsher attacks on the mainstream media (game show coverage), to the plain silly such as poems about trainers, Dachshunds and limericks which are never about someone from anywhere.

For example;

Chapter 1: January
· Poems about serial killers/middle class children/agoraphobic creatures.
· Diary entry about contracting Stephacockaliticus, a disease affecting the sufferer’s ability to regulate the volume they speak at in public and their class.
· New games shows for the New Year including Death Row Big Brother (Channel 4) and Celebrity Euthanasia Challenge (BBC)

Chapter 6: June
· More Poetry
· Diary entries (in remission)
· New season of game shows including Castrato Academy and Child Swap.
· Gardening pages from ‘The Flatland Gardener’, with tips for growing and keeping Triffids.

Chapter 10: October
· More Poetry
· Diary entries (worsening health)
· New season of game shows including Extreme Wheelchair challenge and Celebrity Outing: Live
· Pets corner: Tips/ advice on owning Mogwai.

Etc, etc.

Interspersed throughout the book will be comic strips, articles on ‘crap animals’ and a cutout and keep range of ‘honest greeting cards’ for all occasions.

This is how I have always structured my blog; you can visit for the first time and get something from it straight away, alternatively, frequent visitors notice reoccurring motifs and ideas.

Target audience

The main audience for the book will be people who are a tiny bit media savvy, like amusing books albeit with a slight ‘alternative’ tilt.

How it will look

Something between a scrap book, diary and school book. Think Adrian Mole/League of Gentlemen ‘My Scrap Book by Tubbs’.


Dear Herge Smith, your idea is bollocks. Please do not contact us again.

The End.


edwaado said...

Well you wouldn't want then to string you along would you?

garfer said...

Some people have no taste.

Sniffy said...

Cunts don't know what they're missing. I hear that the publishers who turned down Harry Potter committed suicide. You should put that as a postscript to your proposal

MHN for short said...

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again!

edwaado said...

..and particularly this time of year, I could do with something to read whilst visiting the smallest room - eggnog can be very binding.

S.I.D. said...

Did they use it as toilet paper?


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