Sunday, February 13, 2005

Does the 'Woman's Manual' actually exist?

It may simply be apocryphal but I have recently heard from several reliable sources that a manual does indeed exist for women, which gives exacting guidance on how they should deal with men and relationships.

Presumably this is why after many years in number of long-term relationships I still have very little ability to predict a woman's behavior. Its been like trying to play chess without any idea of the rules or any of the pieces, but having that little clock ticking away waiting for me to make my next move before CHECKMATE! and I'm beat.

Oh yes, like most guys I have a couple of scratchy notes written on a torn beer mat that could possibly have been copied from the manual and smuggled out. They are;

1. It's impossible to express an interest in a woman without expressing an interest and if you do express an interest to retain the relationship that relationship will automatically end as no woman wants interest expressed from a man she has an interest in.

2. A woman has the right to go cold at a moments notice and leave you utterly bewildered and unable to understand what went wrong, what you potentially did wrong and how you can possibly avoid this in the future.
3. If your girlfriend's best mate comes on to you it's always, automatically your fault.

It's not a lot I admit but right now it's all I've got.

Proof it exists?

A friend of mine just told me a story, which he claims is utterly true and almost certainly strongly hints at the existence of this manual. He told me that a friend of his called him one afternoon this week in an excited manner after over hearing the following conversation whilst on a train journey from London to Birmingham;

Woman 1: So I didn't contact David for over a week and when I did I sent a really casual text just asking how he was.

Woman 2: Did he reply?

Woman 1: He sent me a text straight back!

Woman 2: Straight back, really?

Woman 1: Yes really, and he asked if I wanted to meet up with him.

Woman 2: What does the manual say about that?

Woman 1: Well the manual says that I should only reply if his return text is over 12 hours from my initial contact and not to reply at all if he suggests meeting up within the first replied text.

Woman 2: Oh well if that's what it says then that's that.

Obviously this doesn't conclusively confirm that the manual is out there one way or another. And it doesn't mean that our every move is actually being judged against it, but it certainly helps to perpetuate the myth that it is.

But if the manual is real I would very much appreciate any further information that could lead to me getting a hold of a copy, especially since I seem to be spectacularly striking out at the moment and could really do with some help.

1 comment:

Eddie said...

I don't know if the manual exists, but this guy [click-for-boffin] could really do with one