When will we ever grow up?

I don't recall what the expression was, I think I read it in The Guardian and it was a very clever play on words that aptly described men in their thirties that still behave a lot younger than they are - anyway whatever it was I know I'm one of them.

What I am talking about? I'm taking about an inability to grow the fuck up!

My friends at the Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines maturity as;

1 : the quality or state of being mature; especially : full development

2 : termination of the period that an obligation has to run

...which doesn't really help much.

I think it was the narrator character in Fight Club that says something along the lines of;

"I'm not a man, I'm a thirty year old boy".

And that's where I am.

I have absolutely no desire to take on any real responsibility in life - such as marriage, kids, caring about a mortgage, working hard in a job I hate to support my family, actually having a grown up conversation...

No.

Instead I play computer games, go to tons of gigs, read comic books, NME, popular fiction (For fucks sake I've just quoted Chuck P!) and EDGE magazine.

I now seriously doubt that I could ever have a 'proper' relationship - I still can't see past the aesthetic, rejecting wonderful, intelligent, warm individuals because they don't have black enough hair or are not quite thin enough. Thing is I don't think I've come to terms with the fact that Winona Ryder will never be mine. Again a fantasy figure from my childhood - which end is now two decades over due.



Winona: Lovely and Bonkers

But what really brought this home to me was when I popped round to my mates house to drop off some CDs and borrow the latest French 'gore' classic - something I could have seen myself doing over 15 years ago. It wasn't that mind, it was watching my mate - a father of a delightful (almost) 1 year old, playing Donkey Kong - Bongo Beat (or something). The guy is married, has a child and is going red faced and sweating like crazy, (probably risking a huge coronary) deep in concentration as he bashes and hand claps away trying to win as many bananas as possible. I would have been a little shocked by this but to be honest all I could think was - when is it my go?

Are we the first generation of men that have become stunted in our maturity? And what does it mean for the future of our children - is it wrong that I have more in common with my 12 year old nephew than I do my sister and mother. Will I ever be able to have a 'proper' grown up conversation without resorting to saying something I know will provoke an adverse reaction or is 'controversial' for the sake of it?

The irony of course is that my older nephew (16) like most boys his age will do anything to be considered mature and grown up - smoke, drink, drive fast, have lots of casual sex - but of course the irony is that their reasoning to do these things is the very antithesis of maturity - I do a lot of these things as well but at least I know really why I do them.

Which leads me to consider the following;

Is it possible that I am mature because I understanding that maturity itself is a bogus concept in a society that wants to keep us stupid and focused working, breeding and dying on time. And perhaps having an ability to still play, to take yourself outside of everyday normality (which is just a system of control) and have fun on your own terms, and to do this into your late twenties/ thirties and most likely forties is good, healthy and rebellious?

Maybe, maybe not.

Conclusion!!

Most likely I am just an immature dickhead.