Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Singer Robbie Williams: Not Suicide - claim Police

Robbie: as he looks today

New Scotland Yard today confirmed that the recent speculation surrounding the coroners report in to the botched ‘fake-suicide’ attempt of popular singer Robbie Williams was in fact incorrect. And that Williams (31) was actually the ninth victim of serial murder, ‘Cause Celeb’.

'Cause Celeb' is the name that has been given to the notorious celebrity murderer by the UK tabloid press.

The coroner who carried out the inquest into Williams’s death, Dr. Julie Fox, made a brief statement shortly after the Police contradicted her verdict.

“I’d seen Williams perform a few months earlier”; Dr Fox said reading from a prepared statement, “Judging by the mess he was in then, I just assumed he must have done himself in”.

When asked what had lead Police to believe the suicide was in fact murder, Chief Inspector Ron McNulty admitted that they had been initially satisfied with Dr Fox’s verdict, despite the wide spread coverage in the media to the contrary.

“It was only after we received William’s right index finger in the post”, McNulty explained, “that we began to suspect there was more to it than simply Robbie accidentally topping himself”.

The missing digit, turns up

It appears that despite Williams body lacking a finger, when it was discovered by his houseboy Chico, DI Larry Kilfoyle, the Investigating Officer at the time, decided not to take the investigation any farther, because as he later put it, ‘it was probably nothing’.

Both DI Kilfoyle and Dr Julie Fox are currently suspended from their respective duties following further review.

Williams biological half-brother, and former MP to the Labour party, Robin Cook was outraged at this recent turn of events, “There has been a spectacular and systematic failing here, by both the Stoke on Trent Police and Coroners Office” Cook said before adding “As a representative for Rob’s family I demand more Dalziel and Pascoe and less Starsky and Hutch, although, in the first instance we could have done with a bit more Amanda Redman.”

Cook has continuously been an outspoken critic of the initial verdict. When interviewed in NME last week, regarding Williams death, Cook said Williams would never of let himself die in such a state, especially to be discovered in the bathroom with his “skid marked pants around his ankles and half a Ginsters in his gob” with Cook adding “he was far too much in love with himself for that”.

With Williams finger turning up in the post, Police now strongly believe there is a link between his death and the deaths of eight other celebrities that have been reported over the past six weeks.

These deaths include another ‘formally famous’ Pop star and ‘gay’, Will Young, the presenter of the Channel 4 flagship ‘youth’ magazine show, Eamonn Holmes and Homebase yachts person, Dame Ellen MacArthur, presumably also ‘gay’.

Ellen with 'pink' world

“If we do have a serial killer on our hands with a penchant for famous folk, I would advise any minor or major celeb active in the UK today, to think twice before going into work” McNulty said.

“You need to ask yourself the question, is it really worth getting my face on Telly, only to later have it sliced off, and sent to the Daily Mail in an A5 envelope by some sicko” He added.

The ‘Cause Celeb’ case is still an open and ongoing Police investigation.

Related stories:

Singer Robbie Williams Dies at 31

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