Sunday, February 20, 2005

Is he your boyfriend?

Antelope

...that's what the cheeky bastards asked me as I sat in the Chinese takeaway, admittedly a bit worse for wear.

I can't remember what I ordered but I know my fellow blogger Ship Creak
http://shipcreak.blogspot.com paid so I didn't really care.... I think it was some sort of sweet and sour dish.

The gang of teenage girls that sit next to me, probably waiting for their bags of chips, start to taunt me. They know full well I am wankered through the booze - but encircle me they do like lions tormenting a crippled antelope on a dusty sun bleached veldt in the dark heart of somewhere or other before going in for the kill...

"Where you been tonight?"

They ask,

"Does your hair always look like that?"

They ask,

"What's wrong with your T-Shirt?"

They ask,

"Are you in your forties?"

They ask,

And it is all fine, I don't care because I know that the youthful exuberance they are demonstrating right now will soon be crushed by the pitiless unending grind of their lives to come.

And this makes me smile.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

They ask,

And I am suddenly jolted awake from my stupor.

"Hardly", I say leaning in to the pride dangerously close ...

"If I had a boyfriend I'd have a better looking one than him"

They laugh... we understand one another and I feel vindicated.

"What did they say to you?", asks Ship Creak.

"They said you look gay"

Me and the gang laugh at Ship Creak.

It feels much better this way.

3 comments:

edwaado said...

Was he wearing his skin-tight white T-Shirt again?

This seems to happen to you a lot, so either

1. Your friends look gay (I'll let you have this if Ship Creak was wearing said T-Shirt),
2. You look gay (gotta say, doesn't look good, I mean laws of probability are coming in here), or
3. You are gay (exhibit 1. dating ugly where you describe a prediliction for woman that look like boys, and dismiss those that enjoy the true female form).

Gotta say, doesn't look good.

Herge Smith said...

Dude gotta say your comments are;

1. Homophobic - to say someone looks gay is to suggest that there is a stereotypical type - prejudice - it's the language of hate.

2. Sexist - there is no true female form - every woman is a fully rounded individual in her own right - no matter what her body type.

3. Dangerous for you - YOU EVER DISS WINONA AGAIN AND YOU ARE DEAD!!!

edwaado said...

1. Homophobic? You're the one scared of being gay buddy. Although, really I can't see you as either a trolly-dolly or a member of the clergy.
2. Sexist - I think you started that one when you precluded more shapely women from being attractive (dating ugly).
3. You're sooo scared!