"I am not Clone", says Prince William

William and 'ginger' friend share a joke

Clarence House was forced again today to deny recent rumours circulating in the tabloid media regarding a key member of the Royal Family.

This follows just a few days after claims that the former Princess of Wales, Diana, had been resurrected from the dead and was now living as a single parent in Clacton on Sea.

The new allegation, that Prince William, the son of the heir to the throne, is in fact a genetic copy or 'clone', of the notorious German statesman Tomas Kuhlerman, has already been called, 'Ludicrous' by the sources close to Prince William.


William in 2001 - Kuhlerman in 1937

Kuhlerman, a highly regarded athlete and intellectual, was the original template used by the German scientists working under the Nazi party, in their quest to create the so-called ‘Überman’. (similar to the 1960's American government ‘Superman’ project, which itself was only a partial success with the production of ‘Dogstar’ guitarist Keanu Reeves)

Kuhlerman was later revealed to have played a central part in the Nazi parties efforts to recover the 'Ark of the Covenant', which they intended to use to gain an upper hand against their allied enemies during the final years of World War 2.


The Ark of the Convenant - Where is it now?

The cloning allegation was made during a key-note speech taken by Dr Brenda Bollinger at the ‘Human Reproductive and Fetishisation International Conference’, held each year at this time in Dagenham, East London.

Dr Bollinger is the Chief Executive of the controversial genetic research institute, Clonard, based in Madrid. Spain.

She is also an outspoken advocate for human reproductive cloning.

“Its patently ridiculous that there is an international ban in place designed to restrict the cloning of human embryos” Dr Brenda Bollinger said yesterday morning during her speech, “Especially since we are in a country right now, who has a clone as the heir to the throne” she added.


Bollinger gives key-note

When speaking later during a Q&A session for the journalists, Bollinger was asked to confirm that she was making a reference to Prince William.

“Obviously, I’m speaking only of Prince William.” She confirmed, before going on to explain, “If we found out Charles and the ginger one were clones, we’d probably decided it is a bad thing after all, and give up”.

Human cloning is the process of taking DNA from a human cell, inserting this into an egg and implanting into a surrogate mother, or 'follow through whore' as they are also known.

The first successful clone was a cat produced from an adult cell, created by the Richards institute based in Belfast, Northern Ireland.

Bagpuss, as the cat later became known, was an exact genetic duplicate of the famously saggy cloth cat from BBC's hit reality TV show of the same name.


Bagpuss next to exact genetic copy

Taking to the steps of Clarence House this morning, Edmond Hawkings-Long, speaking on behalf of Prince Charles and his son, had this to say about the headlines which appeared in the majority of Wednesdays tabloid newspaper;

“It saddens us, that despite a recent plea to be left in peace, we are forced again to deny a series of ridiculous allegations, Prince Harry in no way has links with Combat 18”

As soon as Hawkings-Long realised his mistake he simply added that the stories of cloning were also 'nonsense'.

Despite pressure from the attending reporters, Hawkings-Long refused to answer any further questions regarding Cloning or Prince Harry's association with any right-wing organisations.


Harry watches match with 'chums'

This is not however, the first time that controversy has surrounded the genetic linage of Prince William.

In 2001, Dr Emma Pursow, Head of Human Sciences at Lincoln Technology college suggested that the egg from which Prince William was produced had been ‘gene-washed’ prior to insemination.

‘Gene-washing’ is a process whereby a cell can have certain genetic markers removed prior to re-insemination into the womb. It has become popular in recent years with parents wishing to remove any 'chavvie' characteristics from their child prior to it's birth.

Dr Pursow claimed that the 'gene-washing' of Prince William had been done at the behest of the Royal Family and, the then Conservative Government, headed by ex-Formula One Champion. Nigel Mansell.

The ‘gene- washing’, Dr Pursow claims, was a specific attempt to rid the future heir to the crown of any of his mothers more anti-social tendencies.

Speaking to Le Monde Magazine in 2002, Pursow explained “Diana’s so-called tendencies were, according to the Tories and Royals, drinking vast amounts of ultra strong, and ultra cheap larger and smoking ‘crack-cocaine’"

Purso continues, “Apparently the Princess's most undesirable tendency of all, in the eyes of the Windsor family, was an ability to empathise, and have compassion for those in less privileged positions”.

In light of Dr Pursow’s allegations a statement was made by Donald Penwarden, Official Advisor at the time to Prince Charles. Penwarden said of the alleged ‘gene-washing’;

“It’s patently ridiculous to suggest that Prince Williams DNA was tinkered with in anyway, and his unending work with London’s riff raff proves the allegations are simply piffle”.


Big Willy discovers 'booby-trapped' curry

Following Clarence House’s statement a series of photo opportunities were hastily arranged showing Prince William, or 'Big Willy' as the UK tabloid press affectionately nicknamed him, serving food at the Kentish Town soup kitchen, exterminating unwanted puppies at Battersea Dogs home, and most famously of all, providing love and support for battered women of abusive husbands.

In fact it was during his time working at The Sutton Coldfield Woman’s Refugee, that the young Prince met and began dating Jade Goody (37) (former star of BBC’s celebrated Mastermind programme).

Within just six months of their whirlwhind romance, Goody would accept Big Willy’s offer of marriage.

The couple are still engaged and due to be married in August this year, following Ms Goody’s Decree Absolute from current husband and ‘toubled’ musician, Pete Doherty (15).


Goody: Princess of Wales one day?

Goody was asked to comment on today’s story during a recording of the popular satirical news quiz ‘What’s the story, morning glory?’.
Jade Goody has been presenting the show since the tragic murder-suicide of original host Robert Robinson in September 2002.

Goody said that the suggestions of cloning were; ‘cobblers’, she went onto add that the alleged links between the Royal family and a German ancestry were ‘racialist in the extreme’.

Despite the recent stories surrounding both William and Princess Diana, Buckingham Palace has remained silent, with no official statement yet being made.

Prince William is still scheduled to open a hostel for former stars of the Channel 4 show, Big Brother, later this week.

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