Countdown Vorderman dies at 63 - for Whiteley...

Richard, a proper TV presenter.

Herge Smith here, with the sad news that Countdown presenter, and general 'harmless old fool' Richard Whiteley has died, aged 61.

Whiteley was very much part of the British culture of trash TV watching. Countdown being, along with Supermarket Sweep, Neighbours and now all those shows about antiques, much beloved by the sick, the unemployed, the old and Students.

Whiteley was one of the first faces we ever saw on Channel 4 in 1982 when we went from a pathetic three TV channels to a magnificent, and modern four channels.

Whiteley died of pneumonia, which I think he would have been pleased with, as it was a nine-letter word (sorry Andy, couldn't resist using it again.)

I think I've probably used Whiteley in a spite- fueled blog in the past, but I think it's this particular classic that is most inappropriate today.

So here it is, reprinted in all it's glory - and in it's original font. (For our foreign friends, Vorderman is the co-presenter on the show Whitley hosted).

Vorderman at last years 'Mullet Aid' Charity Benefit

TV Presenter Carol Vorderman, best known as the 'thinking man's crumpet', died late last night in Caterham General Hospital, it was announced today.

Vorderman was 63.

The 'brainy' presenter died of stephacockaliticus, a virulent viral condition that affects both the gum and the brain. Dr Heinrich Dietz, speaking this morning at a press conference held at Caterham Hospital, suggested that it was likely Vorderman contracted the condition whilst appearing on ITV's 'Celebrity Jungle Hunt' programme.

Celebrity Jungle Hunt is an extreme reality television game show which features 'washed up' or 'has been' ex-celebrities, performing a number of hazardous and life threatening tasks in the depths of the Australian Outback.

On Tuesday, Vorderman retired early from the show after complaining of persistent neuralgia. She soon became violent ill, forcing the shows production company, Lowlife, to fly her back to the UK for immediate medical treatment.

Vorderman subsequently lapsed into a coma on Wednesday evening, from which she unfortunately never recovered.

Vorderman began her TV career as the, 'words and number girl' for Channel 4's long running 'super dull' quiz programme, Countdown. Her innate ability to string a coherent sentence together, and lean forward enough, whilst selecting letters, to reveal her ample cleavage, lent Vorderman a degree of notoriety.

Vorderman gets stuck, again

She soon became a household name following her high profile romance with US 'rock-hunk' Lenny Kravitz. Their relationship lasted 4 years only ending when Kravitz was eventually deported back to the United States, for music related crimes.

In 1999, when she was already 56, Vorderman was on the verge of being signed to present the smash hit reality TV show, "Big Brother".

However, she became dogged by press allegations that she had appeared in a number of 'inter-species' pornographic features, including the now notorious 'Charlotte's Web' and 'Tumbledown farm'.

Although Vorderman never publicly denied her involvement in the features, she did attempt to justify it by claiming the films had ‘eductional’ value.

In light of the allegations made against Vorderman, Channel 4 decided they needed a more 'respectable' public face for their Big Brother show, which lead them to hire ex-heroin addict, Davina FuCall.

Vorderman's TV career never fully recovered from this public rejection and she soon lapsed into alcoholism and heavy drug use.

Vorderman 'smacked up' on Countdown

It was whilst in a rehabilitation clinic on the Isle of Dogs, that she met David Lean, producer of Celebrity Jungle Hunt.

Lean was so impressed by Vordermans obvious desperation to regain the spotlight, that he immediately signed her for the second series of the controversial gameshow.

Interviewed recently about her involvement in Celebrity Jungle Hunt, Vorderman remarked;

"I see this as an entirely new chapter in my life. I am for the first time in years, excited about the future. It's like being reborn", she said.

Voderman is survived by 4 consonants from the top and middle row, and a vowel.