Friday, August 12, 2005

Friendship is nice...


best friend3

Its okay y’know, that feeling you get inside when things are going really badly for the closest of your friends.

You know the feeling; excitement, joy, pleasure, whatever… it’s all natural, honest.

The thing is, none of us really like each other, we just have an over riding instinct to form a pack, rather then go it alone.

This can be only explanation for all the groups of cunts you see at the pub on a Friday night.

As a society, we fear the solo, in fact we hate them. That is why we make them figures of perverted evil, perpetrators of violent crimes, murders of our children and worse still, meddlers of our dogs.

They are loners, kiddie fiddlers, Unabomber’s, outsiders, miscreants, foreigners, whatever...

Think about it for a second.

Go on…

I know its painful, but give it a go.

I know you hate thinking for yourself these days, it just seems so unnecessary doesn’t it?

I mean, why think for yourself when we have all these things to prevent the act of independent thought; television, the obvious main culprit, movies to make you forget who you are for a couple of hours (why do you think theatres go black? makes us focus more – ignore the outside world). Booze, to shut it down thought entirely, and if we do feel like having a crafty think, we tend to put on some tunes, which react with the conditioning we have received from childhood to create artificial emotional reactions.

You what?

Okay simple example;

Beethoven’s - Ode to Joy – Wow, suddenly I feel jubilant. I’m great!

The Smiths - How soon is now? – I feel like killing myself, I’m shit.

Any Weezer tune – I feel like dressing well, ain’t The Gap grand?

Anyway, what was I ranting about? Oh yes, friends.

All friends are evil fuckers waiting for you to fail so they can feel useful for once in their lives.

“Oh that’s awful, he didn’t call you for a week? Well you know what? It’s his loss.”

“She was old, her time had come, she had a full life and she died knowing she was loved by you and the family.”

“No, that colour suits you.”

“You should go to the hospital before the Police, what with it bleeding like that, you’ll need medical attention. Otherwise how will you be able to sit and watch Big Brother with me?”

They fucking love it. It gives them a purpose. It makes them feel better than you and better about themselves.

“I may be a child molesting, crack peddling, homicidal manic, and Tory MP, but at least I’m not my mate Dave; he really is a loser”.

You fail they glow; they fail you glow.

They have some success, win money, get a promotion, or go out with that good-looking guy or gal and you feel sick to your stomach with jealously.

Stop lying to yourself; admit it. Scratch the surface and there you have it; you really hate them and you want them to fail.

But, they never do, at least not as much as you would like.

And why is that?

Because we shed ourselves, pretty fast of friends who do fail, because after the first couple of schadenfreude moments we are sick of them;

“I always thought he was to good-looking for you; you look like a raped asshole with your retarded application of foundation barely covering your boil ridden cheeks”

“She was an evil old witch who outlived her welcome the instant your child molesting Father came in your pig thick whore of a Mother”

“No colour looks good on boiled flesh skin, other than death shroud black, and even then most people will assume you are the resurrected dead”

Friend

Do you get it? Do you see the truth in what I say?

Huh?

23 comments:

Sniffy said...

In-ter-essss-ting...

There is some truth in your post; we have "friends" who we use to serve a purpose. This purpose being usually a social one - people who we need to congregate with to go down the boozer, or we'd look like sad fuckers. These people are usually similar to you: in looks (never too good looking,though), background, dress sense, humour, interests. You have a laugh with these people, share experiences, maybe even offer and receive support from the group, but there's always a line that isn't crossed. Firstly, there are more of them than you and you don't want interrogating on sensitive issues by a whole gang who are probably just being curious than supportive. Secondly, you don't know if they talk about you behind your back - you do about them...

I'm not saying that my "mates" don't mean anything to me, just that there's so much I get out my relationship with them and nothing more.

My "friends" on the other hand are completely different, and on this, I'm in disagreement with some aspects of this post. I have a few friends who I want nothing of other than their company, or conversation, or the odd e-mail - they want nothing other than this from me in return.

These are people who matter to me. They're the first people I want to turn to in times of crisis or joy, or simply to talk to about my crappy day, week, month, etc. I don't care what they look like or where or how they live (within limits). Simply being in the company of certain people makes you feel good and happy and I'm extremely lucky that I have that with a few people.

Why they want to associate with a twat like me is beyond me though.

Jami said...

Friends can make you or break you at times. I agree that there are "mates" that you go to the pub with or movies or something social but that you don't really have discussions about important topics. Friends, I think, are the poeple that know you and still like you. It's not too often that we can call someone a true friend.

garfer said...

'Whenever I hear of a friend's success a little something in me dies' - Gore Vidal
'Every good turn deserves a kick in the teeth' - James Goldsmith

Cynical old bastards. But not without a grain of truth.
I think most people only have a few genuine friends. You don't know who they are until you hit a real downer.
No matter how good a friend you are to someone, you can't give them money. It just isn't done. That's why I can't stand the ritual of round buying. It's just faux generosity.

Sniffy said...

Round-buying is particularly sickening if you're teetotal, like me. My drink will come to £1 in a round of 5 drinks for about £12-15. And eating out is a pain in the arse too, what with the wine bill and everything.

Ship Creak said...

Christ, Herge, are you okay?

Have to say, in some ways I agree though. Is it bad to want a friend to fail in something if you believe it's for their own good?

Sniffy said...

Well, there's always something to be said for letting people learn from their mistakes when your advice might be painful for them to hear. So rather than wanting to cause a rift in a friendship, you let them go ahead and hope they come a cropper.

To want somebody to fail out of jealousy is a different matter though. I don't think I've ever felt this for somebody whom I'd consider a friend.

Spirit Of Owl said...

I'm torn at a crossroads - well, a T junction anyway.

Do I nod and commiserate in a sort of general group hug type way? But if I do that, do I mean it? And if I do, then it can't be true anyway. Or is that naive? Am I pulling the wool over my own eyes?

On the other hand, do I just nod and say, "Yeah! You're all fucking bastards, and me too!"

The second way is much more simple...

Herge Smith said...

Oops, should I have made it clear that this is another excerpt from my long aborted novel (yeah, I know), and that I posted it because I couldn't think of anything else to write about tonight.

Soz - this ain't me, it's just a point of view.

I love my friends.

Mind you, having watched most of the big brother finale my levels of hatred for mankind have just gone through the roof.

Spirit Of Owl said...

Oooh, you had us going there!

Sniffy said...

I don't think my hatred for mankind could get any worse.

I realised what your post was about Herge, it was still very thought-provoking and interesting - as is most of your stuff.

April's blog, on the other hand, is interesting for completely different reasons...

Herge Smith said...

Oi oi - bloody sniffer spam now.

Have I blown it now? Do my lovely commenters feel they can't trust me?

I'll make it up to you all, I promise.

April looks good in that T-shirt btw - where's mine?

Jane said...

Herge, I think you have met my friends, well some of them I recognise that all too much.

Sniffy said...

You want a T-shirt, Herge?

Herge Smith said...

I may not have the tits for it.

Jane - there is a definite 'arsehole' friend gene. We've all met one (or been one).

Sniffy said...

No, but I bet you've got the balls!

thordora said...

I've always had the "48hour rule". The ONLY person I have ever met that I can spend 48 straight hours around is the Dorf. Anyone else, after 8, I begin to lose it. (and he only lasts to 50)

People grate on my nerves, especially "friends" since they just get pissed off when I do tell them their ass looks fat in those pants and that gee, perhaps those hankie tops, they aren't cool if you're over 14....

Or I'm just trying to compensate for the fact that the only people i know drive me fucking mad.....

good post...more please. I'd like to see more of the D&C novel...

Herge Smith said...

D&C novel?

Huh? Me no clever, me dumb dumb.

thordora said...

D&c-pretty way of saying abortion...I was too lazy to type the entire word..

heh...

Mrs Edwaado said...

Quote "Soz - this ain't me, it's just a point of view.

I love my friends."

Really? Coz I aint heard from ya in over two months...

Herge Smith said...

Well, that cuts both ways darlin'

Mrs Edwaado said...

Ouch! Ah, well, the impasse continues...

Herge Smith said...

Oi oi - email in the post sweet lips.

Rowan said...

Yes Herge, I get it. I fully agree in a lot of respects, but then, I can't be bothered to have any real friends.....I find they get annoyed if you dont call them for months or even years....I hate keeping with the human contact, it's too needy.