Monday, August 15, 2005

The Monday Interview - Trillobites


Some of you may already have seen this interview with Trillion. It was originally posted last week over at Ship Creaks.

However, it would be fair to say that I felt that Ship didn't quite treat the interviewee with the respect she deserved.

I have had an informal discussion with Ship about this. After presenting my case he reflected for a moment, took a thoughtful swig from his pint and then said with a world weariness that was surprising in one so young;

"Christ Herge you're a tit".

So, in light of this, his blessing, here is a second stab at the interview with Trillion of Trillobites. (as conducted by Ship, but completed by Herge the tit).

1. How long have you been blogging?

Since about 8:45...oh you mean other than today? Erm, I don't know without checking. 3 months or so? Hang on....right, first blog was May 16th but I guess I started commenting about a month before that.

(That first post here)

Originally anonymously on Cakesniffers but then as Trillion a little later (first on Herge's, then later on Tina's - set the record straight on that once and for all).

(that first comment right here... here)

2.What type of blogs do you like best?
It varies but in general anything that's honest but interesting. I like the personal stuff that creeps in - Herge talking about Dixon (here) and Edwaado's kids (here and here) - but I guess I like people to retain an air of mystery too. I don't really bother with blogs that are too heavy-going, political, religious or just diaries. I think the journal-type blogs are great to share with close friends if that's what you feel you want to do but not very entertaining if you don't know the person. For me the beauty of blogging is that you can be more honest than you can in 'real life' but I'm not the sort of person who'd keep a diary anyway. Never write anything down that could be used in evidence...

3.Are those really your eyes?

trillobites eyes

Yeah. I think they can't decide whether they want to be blue or green. They're also pretty useless to see through (I wear contacts). Bizarrely, some people get very uncomfortable when I look them in the eyes; Tina (for obvious reasons) and other people 'cos they say that they feel like I can see inside their mind and find out too much about them. Weird, eh?

4.Why did you start blogging?
I guess I wanted to join the gang. I was reluctant at first because it was something that Tina had got into and was enjoying and I didn't really want to gate crash. She seemed to be encouraging me to get involved though and then Herge started badgering me and I thought I'd give it a go. I was worried I wouldn't have enough time to dedicate to it though and there would be pressure to do something different and amusing ever day. I've realised now that by neglecting my job and my family I can generally manage to keep afloat. You lot have made me feel very welcome (except Herge when he's being a right queen).

5.Where does your inspiration come from? Is it all old ideas come to fruition, or on-the-spot witticism?
On-the-spot witticism, I wish! No, I guess modesty aside (I have flashed my boobs after all!), I guess I can be quite witty. It tends to come out when I'm at work and usually I have to bite my tongue so I don't either offend someone or show my true colours (I have a tendency to be quite smutty). If I see something funny I try and remember and blog about it but sometimes I wish I had a live video link-up because often you have to be there to appreciate how funny something is and it doesn't translate well at a later date. I find that people often do or say the most hilarious things, totally unaware of what they've done. MMT is my tribute to these times!

6.How many posts have you done now?
49. Not nearly enough. I'll take this space if I may to apologise for being a bit slack sometimes. No disrespect to the likes of Tina and Herge but I'm willing to bet they have more time on their hands than I do (I know Tina does - she makes time to go to the gym for fuck's sake!). I have over an hour 's drive to and from work each day. I generally work from 8-8:30 'til around 5 (but often quite a bit later). So often, much to Tina's disgust, I don't get to eat until 9pm or so.

Trill advice

I'm also busy doing up my 1930's house which I bought in 2001, which takes up a lot of time on the weekends that we don't have the kids. Every other weekend I have to drive from Manchester (where I work) to Chorley (where I live) to Nottingham (where the kids live), back to Chorley (for the weekend), back to Nottingham (to take the kids home) back to Chorley (to collapse into bed on Sunday before my alarm goes off at 6am on Monday). That can easily mean 10+ hours driving in a weekend, not counting any time spent travelling if we take the kids out somewhere. For these reasons I do tend to feel pretty knackered most of the time.

7.Whatever happened to Trilladvice?
It's not gone away, I've just been biding my time I guess. I did answer your specific question as a comment in the prelude to Trilladvice post (Pissed as an aunt) that I did but I'm guessing you either didn't see it or you weren't satisfied with the response! Do not fear, I will revive Trilladvice next week but my postbag wasn't bulging with letters as much as I would have liked!

(So, if you have a problem, if no-one else can help, and if you arsed to email Trillion, she'll do her best to answer - here)

8.Which post are you most proud of?

Poo comment

I'm my own worst critic, so it's hard to say. Most of the time I'm just happy if people get what I'm talking about. If I have to choose, then I'd probably go for the first MMT (here). People seemed to find it amusing and I think it was quite well received. I did like the reactions to MMT15, particularly Ed's 'passing on breakfast' (here) comment. That made me LOL!

9.What would you rather have: visitors or comments?
Comments, 'cos I'm not clever enough to be able to detect if anyone's visited my blog if they don't leave a comment. I also like the sort of close community thing we have going on. I don't really care if a hundred people read something I've written, so long as a few familiar names leave a few words that makes it all worthwhile.

10.Have you ever considered posting something that is so close to the knuckle, you couldn't go through with it?
Yeah I guess so. I've often been tempted to publish real names and photos of people that have really pissed me off but I've held back on that. I was a bit nervous about the 'My family and other problems' post 'cos it was a bit personal. I didn't think about it too much at the time but afterwards Tina rang and said she thought I'd been very brave and that made me panic a bit. I was a bit nervous about posting a photo of my vibrator in all its glittery glory (here) in response to Tina's various photos of things buzzing in her bedroom, but I had to for its comedy value.

11.Do your friends/ family read your blog?
With the exception of Tina, no. At least I sincerely hope not. My best mate at work (had to add those last 2 words before Tina threw an eppy) knows I blog and he occasionally tries to see what I'm up to but I always minimise the screen. He's cool though and I wouldn't mind him reading it - he knows as much about the real me as anyone else - but I'd be worried he would tell other people we work with about it.

Update: Tony, my other best friend (okay, I have three!), the person who's known me the longest (we used to go out together when we were both 11), nagged me all evening until I gave in and told him the address. Fortunately he texted me with a positive comment. He has a blog himself but it's incredibly professional, really flashy and impressive and not at all rude. Still having known me for so long, seen me drunk more times than I care to remember and walked in on me having a wee, I guess he wasn't gonna be too shocked by anything I'd written. I really should learn to lock doors, shouldn't I???

12.How many blogs are there in your links list?
Not enough. There are actually quite a few people I'd like to add to the list but I have to be honest it was Tina who added that bit for me and I've never bothered to update it.

13.Which blog do you check out first and why?
Are you just trying to get me in trouble here? Okay, I always check out Herge first because it's the best obviously! Then I go straight to Cakesniffers before doing the rounds of Piss Off, Connielingus, Edwaado (nothing new for ages - said pot to kettle!), Ship Creak.... I'm shamefully bad at leaving comments though. If I get to something and everything's been said already, I often think I've missed the boat and don't comment myself. Sometimes though, if I'm first to comment, I still shy away 'cos I think the first comment to a blog should be of a high standard and I don't want to let people down. Shit, I'm really showing my low self confidence now!

14.If you had one morsel of advice for someone starting out blogging, what would it be?
Don't let the Chimp and his drama queen ways get you down.

(fucking what!?! - Bitch! - and I really didn't find this funny - at all!!!! Scared the shit of me, thought Tina had gone for good.)

Connie comment

15.In a conversation about your blog, how would you like it described?
I can quote Tony here in his text from last night:

"I thought it was really amusing and it didn't shock me at all"

(Top posts, in my opinion - some of which will hopefully offend)

My Mate Tina - Specially Extended

Desperate Monkey

I actually find incontinence a turn on

For those days when a finger of fudge is not enough

My Mate Tina 3

16.When was the last time you laughed out loud at a post?
Genuinely really laughed out loud it would have to be Ed's comment to my MMT blog that I referred to earlier. I am a huge fan of comedy and usually I am fairly easily amused and find humour in unusual places but it actually takes a lot for me to laugh out loud. I may giggle or smirk to myself but to actually snigger uncontrollably is quite rare. Ed achieved that and for that I salute him! Before you all start on the offensive, that doesn't mean that I don't find many other things that people have done extremely amusing, 'cos I do. I really, really do but I'm being honest here so live with it!

Right, that seems to be everything. I've probably offended everyone without meaning to and sent the number of visitors to my blog through the floor (but I won't know about that until the comments stop!).

T 'n' T


Sniffy said...

The more I look at it, the more I think Trillion uses her blog to take the piss out of me. Well, she does, but I didn't that was her soul aim. Hrrrrm.

I enjoyed that, I think.

It's her birthday this week folks. Should I do something special to her house when I'm looking after it while she's on her jollies? I nice surprise for when she gets back.

Sniffy said...


Herge Smith said...

Er... Tina, you've just worked out that Trillobites is really just one long piss take of you?

I think you should TP her house in the fine tradition of the American Surburan Teenager.

Or burn it down.

edwaado said...

Just so everyone knows I've done loads of posts since this article!

(None any good though)

Rowan said...

Ahhhh, Yes, a nice party for her would be splendid....then, she doens't have anything" to take the piss out of you" for, she's be instead grateful one hopes.

Connie said...

Lol Tina.... You are so innocently cute sometimes aren't you.

(I think the T.P. is a wonderful idea, or fish oil on the heat register, that one is always a good laugh... hmmmm, cayene pepper on her vibrator??? thats a bit on the mean side, but still..)

Happy b-day Trillion BTW!

garfer said...

You could impersonate whatsisname out of Haloween and brandish a large breadknife in a threatening manner.

Sniffy said...

What's a TP?

Sniffy said...

And I AM trying to post something, but Blogger post thing is just going round in circles. Hope I don't lose the post...

Tum te tum.

pissoff said...

Toilet Paper sniff. TP - toilet paper.

I say you put vaseline on all the door knobs around the house and then light a bag on shit on fire on her front porch (why I said that I do not know...?) The cayenne pepper on the vib is a good one too.

MHN for short said...

How ever old she is, put those numbers all over her house, in her drawers, in her bed, in between the towels, in the cubbards. She'll be finding them YEARS later. That's what we did to my MIL when she turned 50.

Sniffy said...

Did you have to post such a large photo of her eyes?

At least they'll be there for me to look at while she's so far away. Just think, I'll be sleeping in her bed, on her pillow! I shall dream sweet dreams....

Sniffy said...

Oh, and I know what I meant to say... a hanky? You always carry a hanky with you?

That's a bit girlie, isn't it?

Herge Smith said...

You never know when you'll need one.

Sniffy said...

The thing is, she's not sensitive about her age and she's a lot younger than me. And there's no way I'd play a trick or do anything nasty to her because I love her to bits.

Herge Smith said...

Do you like her family?

Sniffy said...

Errrm, yes, I'd say that I do like them - most of the time. Like most families, they have their moments.

I like her cat and her rabbit too. Although the fish are a bit boring.

Herge Smith said...

Ha!! That was an interesting answer T.

Very illuminating.

Sniffy said...

Why's that?

Herge Smith said...

"Errrm, yes, I'd say that I do like them - most of the time"

You get jealous, dontchya? You don't like having to share her...


Sniffy said...

No, of course I don't, I like having all the attention. But her family is a big part of her, more important to her than I am and I respect that. But like i said, they're nice - most of the time (I'm not the most tolerant around kids).

cali said...

Where's Chorley? Never heard of it.
"Chorley you can't be serious!"
"Yes I am and stop calling me Chorley!"

Sniffy said...

Chorley is in Lancashire in the North West of England. It's pretty nice up there.

Nobody Special said...

Right now, I'm through with families.

Nobody Special said...

Cayene pepper on my vibrator? That sounds like fun!